Sunday, November 30, 2008
NEW Dog on the Way!
With the dogs season hitting a mid season hiccup, DDD has sought to bring some inspiration back to the wounded Dog. In a press conference last night DDD announced that he and the Ring in Ranga, have a second Dead Dog junior on the way. This News has pushed the Dogs share price through the roof as shareholders pleased that the future of the Dog is all but secured.
DEAD DOGS DOLDRUMS – Nov 26
The dogs blooded a new member again this week, taking the playing group to 8 faces for the season thus far.
DDD elected to stay on the bench – a groin strain injury, while PDF had pulled a hammy. This left an opening for EB (emerging businesswoman) Tracy to take her place on the green, playing behind LOL, again as decoy, with D-Mac at no. 3, and Andy Zee, trying to hold the pack together as skip.
This was a tall order, our opposition being the dastardly foes, “Biased” by name, and “Bastard” by reputation, (otherwise known as The Molders of Future Adelaide Establishment (TMFAE)). They took a familiar arrogant stance on the green, daggers drawn, moustaches twirling – pity the male members were not similarly equipped.
Enough of the idle chitchat – you want to hear about the game.
It was a perfect night, the greens hard and fast, and a hint of moisture in the night air, which delivered nothing (there is a drought in Adelaide you know), and the wind a bare whisper, which failed to stir even the golden locks of our skipper.
We won the toss, which was a bad omen, and we were held scoreless until the 4th end, when the ladies demonstrated how to place the bowls, giving us 2.
This effort wiped the smirk off the faces of our opposition, and they attempted to “colonise” the dogs. They soon realised this was a pathetic effort as D-Mac was able to outscore them on academic points, and they turned their attention to settling the score on the green.
Despite the Grasshoppers being given an airing by the DD, they failed to work their magic. D-Mac had been handed a pair of number 13’s, which in hindsight, may have jinxed the night, playing on the 13th rink on the 26th November – Triskaidekaphobia was not in his wordbook. The opposition, playing with their own bowls (they would, wouldn’t they?) had better success on the night.
All 4 opposition members inflicted damage, despite some brilliant play by the dogs, which failed to deliver on the scoreboard. As you might expect, the dogs were instructed in the finer points of the game – its number 3 who does the measuring, number 2 ……etc. etc. We appreciated their efforts. However there was tension in the opposite side with their skipper on the night being a hasty fill-in for the late- arriving captain. “She is playing well isn’t she” was heard on more than one occasion, which makes for a promising cat-fight in the future.
EB gave a stellar performance on her opening to the season, always looking threatening, but the 3 regulars were lacklustre in performance with only a few bursts of dazzle and delight. Our most successful end was the 10th, when we manage to give them a left, right, and centre biff, scoring 3, but this run was too little too late, going down 19 – 6 at the final call.
The raffle yielded more luck, with LOL getting the numbers – a choice between the Pickled Onions, the International Roast, and a packet of appropriately named Devil’s Delight Mixed Nuts – with a Quiz Night looming on the Saturday night for EB and Andy Zee, it was a no-brainer.
An after-match de-brief with archenemies “The Bowls Bags” gave some comfort to our night. The Bags had faced our erstwhile opposition the previous week, and we take some Perverse Pleasure that Pip had Pipped our Scotch friends on the last bowl of the last end, to take out a tightly fought and aggressive game.
Note to DD Dandy - the Mystic Mauve Roosters were available last week, but following your write up of the previous match, no one was prepared to touch them!!!
DDD elected to stay on the bench – a groin strain injury, while PDF had pulled a hammy. This left an opening for EB (emerging businesswoman) Tracy to take her place on the green, playing behind LOL, again as decoy, with D-Mac at no. 3, and Andy Zee, trying to hold the pack together as skip.
This was a tall order, our opposition being the dastardly foes, “Biased” by name, and “Bastard” by reputation, (otherwise known as The Molders of Future Adelaide Establishment (TMFAE)). They took a familiar arrogant stance on the green, daggers drawn, moustaches twirling – pity the male members were not similarly equipped.
Enough of the idle chitchat – you want to hear about the game.
It was a perfect night, the greens hard and fast, and a hint of moisture in the night air, which delivered nothing (there is a drought in Adelaide you know), and the wind a bare whisper, which failed to stir even the golden locks of our skipper.
We won the toss, which was a bad omen, and we were held scoreless until the 4th end, when the ladies demonstrated how to place the bowls, giving us 2.
This effort wiped the smirk off the faces of our opposition, and they attempted to “colonise” the dogs. They soon realised this was a pathetic effort as D-Mac was able to outscore them on academic points, and they turned their attention to settling the score on the green.
Despite the Grasshoppers being given an airing by the DD, they failed to work their magic. D-Mac had been handed a pair of number 13’s, which in hindsight, may have jinxed the night, playing on the 13th rink on the 26th November – Triskaidekaphobia was not in his wordbook. The opposition, playing with their own bowls (they would, wouldn’t they?) had better success on the night.
All 4 opposition members inflicted damage, despite some brilliant play by the dogs, which failed to deliver on the scoreboard. As you might expect, the dogs were instructed in the finer points of the game – its number 3 who does the measuring, number 2 ……etc. etc. We appreciated their efforts. However there was tension in the opposite side with their skipper on the night being a hasty fill-in for the late- arriving captain. “She is playing well isn’t she” was heard on more than one occasion, which makes for a promising cat-fight in the future.
EB gave a stellar performance on her opening to the season, always looking threatening, but the 3 regulars were lacklustre in performance with only a few bursts of dazzle and delight. Our most successful end was the 10th, when we manage to give them a left, right, and centre biff, scoring 3, but this run was too little too late, going down 19 – 6 at the final call.
The raffle yielded more luck, with LOL getting the numbers – a choice between the Pickled Onions, the International Roast, and a packet of appropriately named Devil’s Delight Mixed Nuts – with a Quiz Night looming on the Saturday night for EB and Andy Zee, it was a no-brainer.
An after-match de-brief with archenemies “The Bowls Bags” gave some comfort to our night. The Bags had faced our erstwhile opposition the previous week, and we take some Perverse Pleasure that Pip had Pipped our Scotch friends on the last bowl of the last end, to take out a tightly fought and aggressive game.
Note to DD Dandy - the Mystic Mauve Roosters were available last week, but following your write up of the previous match, no one was prepared to touch them!!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Can a Dead Dog bite? 19/11/08
Well if last night was anything to go by, the answer is sadly no.
Up against a serious mom/pop/daughter trio plus a semi pro ring in skipper, the ironically named 'Hard Drives' (senior had his PC out of action and was delighted to have someone to talk tech with) offered little challenge early in the evening. The Dogs, comprising of staples LOL and Andy Zee, plus Davy Mac and Prodigal Dog Finch put in a steady first trimester - scoring 1 point on the first 4 ends with relative ease. Some nice openers from LOL, a nod to Ace vB from PDF with a particularly classy wrong bias second bowl and all remaining bowls at least going in the right direction with the correct bias.
The bell tolled signalling a turnaround for the worse on the fifth, when our opponents showed their name wasn't just a nod to some inconceivable technology and their skipper turned a 3 up lead in to 1 down with a well placed powerdrive. The sixth saw the Dogs struggle to find closeness with Kitty, and our confidence took at hit with a 3 down loss evening the scoreboard. The downward spiral to madness had begun, with several ends lost to 1 or 2, and the Hard Drives managing to reduce to single points or turn around any strong early Dog leads. A noteable recovery shot through by Davy Mac turning a possible 3 down to 1, and an unusual turn of events saw a drive from their skipper take Kitty in to the gutter prompting for rule discussion. Also special mention to the Hard Drives for the most requests for tape measurement encountered by this Dog to date.
The raffle failed to provide relief with nothing chalked up to the Dogs, but did provide much amusement as a young team took home approx half of the prize table & equally as much abuse! To this Dog, the real winner of the night was Coopers, once again proving their Best Extra Stout is a cut above the rest.
But these Dogs are not yet out for the count, and will no doubt be back next week with teeth bared!
Final Score - 12 / 6
Ends won - 6 a piece
MVP - LOL chalking up the most points
Wrong Bias Award - PDF showing how not to do it in style
Best Save Award- Davy Mac for that deep end turnaround
'Couldn't think of a suitable award' Award - Andy Zee!
Up against a serious mom/pop/daughter trio plus a semi pro ring in skipper, the ironically named 'Hard Drives' (senior had his PC out of action and was delighted to have someone to talk tech with) offered little challenge early in the evening. The Dogs, comprising of staples LOL and Andy Zee, plus Davy Mac and Prodigal Dog Finch put in a steady first trimester - scoring 1 point on the first 4 ends with relative ease. Some nice openers from LOL, a nod to Ace vB from PDF with a particularly classy wrong bias second bowl and all remaining bowls at least going in the right direction with the correct bias.
The bell tolled signalling a turnaround for the worse on the fifth, when our opponents showed their name wasn't just a nod to some inconceivable technology and their skipper turned a 3 up lead in to 1 down with a well placed powerdrive. The sixth saw the Dogs struggle to find closeness with Kitty, and our confidence took at hit with a 3 down loss evening the scoreboard. The downward spiral to madness had begun, with several ends lost to 1 or 2, and the Hard Drives managing to reduce to single points or turn around any strong early Dog leads. A noteable recovery shot through by Davy Mac turning a possible 3 down to 1, and an unusual turn of events saw a drive from their skipper take Kitty in to the gutter prompting for rule discussion. Also special mention to the Hard Drives for the most requests for tape measurement encountered by this Dog to date.
The raffle failed to provide relief with nothing chalked up to the Dogs, but did provide much amusement as a young team took home approx half of the prize table & equally as much abuse! To this Dog, the real winner of the night was Coopers, once again proving their Best Extra Stout is a cut above the rest.
But these Dogs are not yet out for the count, and will no doubt be back next week with teeth bared!
Final Score - 12 / 6
Ends won - 6 a piece
MVP - LOL chalking up the most points
Wrong Bias Award - PDF showing how not to do it in style
Best Save Award- Davy Mac for that deep end turnaround
'Couldn't think of a suitable award' Award - Andy Zee!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Dead Dog Drinks - 12/11/08
Coming off last weeks high, the dogs had a few injuries coming into the long awaited clash with respected rival 'ARRR'. Andy Zee the main member in doubt was only cleared in a late fitness test and missed the first end of the evening. Dead Dog Dandy, Skipper again for the 4th time this season, had found a home in the pivotal roll of last strike bowl and due to yet another lost toss, found himself bowling last on the first end. With the grasshoppers bowls going missing prior to the match, in a spiteful attempt to unsettle the Dogs Leader, DDD was left to try and find a suitable replacement, so without hesitation, DDD pulled out the 'Cocks'. Rooster in hand and 1 bowl remaining on the first end with 2 shot deficit staring him in the face, DDD saw a glowing image of his former mentor, Tickets Parkin, appear in a blue haze like Obi Won before him, his soft voice whispered to him....... 'go to the Degobah System, there you will meet Yoda'......Not sure if this apparition was ment to give him an insite into the strategy for his final bowl, or just a result off watching too many starwars movies while intoxicated, DDD stepped up and delivered the final bowl releasing a blow that would set the tone for the night ahead. The Purple coloured Cock caressed the kitty with subtle firmness and authority and turned 2 down to 1 up and positive start for the Dog. The second end spelt the beginning of the end for 'ARRR', and some high class bowling from the whole team lead to 5 for the end and a firm grip on the game. The game passed as easy as the summer evening it was, 2 and 4 for the next 2 ends and dog started singing Pants, Pants, Pants. Be it a different looking side from previous seasons, the Dog has proven to still be a force on the green and in the raffle, and last night was no different. With memories of beer, wine and International Roast in their minds, the Dead Dogs went about their business and with a few hiccoughs along the way, secured a 18 shot win and the respect of all foes. Mentions should go to LOL with some supurb early bowling making the rest of the dogs lives easier, and also Andy Zee, throwing down some useful scorers and cannon fodder when necessary.
Later that night, the official scorers announced that the Dog had climbed to the top of the Hawthorn Wednesday Night Bowls Ladder, with crushing victories against lesser foes, and a hush fell over the crowd as on a count back the Dogs took the first of the 2 most prized weekly awards, the 6 pack. (good work Dogs!) The second of the sought after awards came in the form of a 25% extra tin of the finest roast around, Andy Zee, holding his form from the green into the raffle, took out the highly prized International Roast, now with 25% more.
Off field news sees a grudge match developing for the Northern Dogs, who have picked a fight with a local syndicate. Sources quote Ace von Bertouch saying "If you were half the bowler I was, you would be 2 foot midget with merkin for a beard". This has angered some locals, but the Northern Dogs have picked up a few crucial signings and might just be able to follow through with the bravado of Ace vB and Tickets Parkin.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Dead Dog Dance - 5/11/08
The off field issues sorted for the Dog, their attention returned to the green and with it their full rotation of starting players. Lead Off Linda opening the batting with Davy Mac and Andy Zee filling the turn table middle order, it was left to Dead Dog Dandy to place a firm hand on the rear of the team and squeeze his bowls in when tight situations presented. Meatloaf on the airways, DDD could not help but be inspired while the fat sweaty love of his life, serenaded him into a mood for destruction. (well you were licking your lips as your lipstick shined, and I was dying just to ask for ACE!!)
The dead dogs sought to pick up where they let off the week before and with a picket fence of 1's on the scoreboard early they stretched their lead with every end. The full force of the dog was present and every member of the crowd felt their intentions early. With a few more ends adding to their total the dog sought to attack the jugular and finish off its prey quick and painlessly. LOL at her stirling best, placed no less than 4 bowls withing a parrots pecker of the kitty throughout the night and in the 6th this remarkable lead off, helped Davy Mac and Andy Zee put the helpless prey to the sword with 4 more making for the 6 end an a strangle hold on the match.
Not many words can describe the performance of their opposition, to be frank, it seamed they failed to even turn up for the evening, and the Dogs were left to frolic on the green, turning negatives of 1 or 2 into positive scores. As the night wore on another end of 6 was added to the total and with that a firm chance of securing the 6 pack for the first time this season. A few strategic changes by Davy mac altering his Skylark bowls for the favoured grasshoppers of DDD, unbeknown to himself, added intrigue to the evening, and possibly the most interesting was the end Davy Mac could not decide for either and went for 1 of each. So Skylarking with the Grasshoppers it was, but the professionalism and grace of DDD shone through as in the back 6 ends, not much could waiver his steady hand.
The evening wound down and with such an insurmountable lead, there remaind only 2 things to be decided, who won the coverted 6 pack and if the dogs could pants the opposition.
I would not put them on a Frog,
I would not put them on a log,
I would not, could not, on a train,
nor in a house or in the rain,
I would not, could not, Pants our foes,
I would not Pants them to their toes.
So as DDD sung his little tune, the dogs stepped up to the 11th end and with raffle prizes on the mind and a 6 pack waiting in the wings, the Dog faltered. Like a predator letting they prey have one final breath of life, like a prisoners last cigarette, like Ace von Bertouch giving just a hint of whats below his sarong, to a dying man.......and the chance was gone...... be it only by 1.
The last off the green, the Dogs were looked at with frustration by the club house, one brave soul vetured a comment 'take your time did you' which DDD replied, 'A masterpiece takes time, do you think Michaelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel quickly just for a chance at the International Roast?'
You would think 15 would be enough to secure the 6 pack, maybe even 20..... the Dog did not stop there and piled on an impressive margin of 24 (25-1) But the crulest twist of fate was yet to come for a night that will go down in the Dog Record books, 24 would not be enough and it was the Fud Puckers who with 28 took the pale ale.
Dogslow Votes
3 - LOL easily the best lead off batter of any side
2 - Andy Zee, had a nice litte patch in the middle to snuff out the oppositions hopes of a score
1 - DDD (only because Davy Mac bowled 2 with the wrong bias)
The dead dogs sought to pick up where they let off the week before and with a picket fence of 1's on the scoreboard early they stretched their lead with every end. The full force of the dog was present and every member of the crowd felt their intentions early. With a few more ends adding to their total the dog sought to attack the jugular and finish off its prey quick and painlessly. LOL at her stirling best, placed no less than 4 bowls withing a parrots pecker of the kitty throughout the night and in the 6th this remarkable lead off, helped Davy Mac and Andy Zee put the helpless prey to the sword with 4 more making for the 6 end an a strangle hold on the match.
Not many words can describe the performance of their opposition, to be frank, it seamed they failed to even turn up for the evening, and the Dogs were left to frolic on the green, turning negatives of 1 or 2 into positive scores. As the night wore on another end of 6 was added to the total and with that a firm chance of securing the 6 pack for the first time this season. A few strategic changes by Davy mac altering his Skylark bowls for the favoured grasshoppers of DDD, unbeknown to himself, added intrigue to the evening, and possibly the most interesting was the end Davy Mac could not decide for either and went for 1 of each. So Skylarking with the Grasshoppers it was, but the professionalism and grace of DDD shone through as in the back 6 ends, not much could waiver his steady hand.
The evening wound down and with such an insurmountable lead, there remaind only 2 things to be decided, who won the coverted 6 pack and if the dogs could pants the opposition.
I would not put them on a Frog,
I would not put them on a log,
I would not, could not, on a train,
nor in a house or in the rain,
I would not, could not, Pants our foes,
I would not Pants them to their toes.
So as DDD sung his little tune, the dogs stepped up to the 11th end and with raffle prizes on the mind and a 6 pack waiting in the wings, the Dog faltered. Like a predator letting they prey have one final breath of life, like a prisoners last cigarette, like Ace von Bertouch giving just a hint of whats below his sarong, to a dying man.......and the chance was gone...... be it only by 1.
The last off the green, the Dogs were looked at with frustration by the club house, one brave soul vetured a comment 'take your time did you' which DDD replied, 'A masterpiece takes time, do you think Michaelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel quickly just for a chance at the International Roast?'
You would think 15 would be enough to secure the 6 pack, maybe even 20..... the Dog did not stop there and piled on an impressive margin of 24 (25-1) But the crulest twist of fate was yet to come for a night that will go down in the Dog Record books, 24 would not be enough and it was the Fud Puckers who with 28 took the pale ale.
Dogslow Votes
3 - LOL easily the best lead off batter of any side
2 - Andy Zee, had a nice litte patch in the middle to snuff out the oppositions hopes of a score
1 - DDD (only because Davy Mac bowled 2 with the wrong bias)
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