Dead Dog Drizzle 25/11/09

One week after the humiliating loss to their most hated rivals, the Dog looked to change their fortunes and so without consulting the selectors, DDD Jr axed the 2 dead weight bowlers from the previous week, and in slotted GG (Granny Glenda) and Davy Mac. Back from a stint in the Bahamas, Davy Mac, was sporting some dreadlocks and smelt of a possibly illicit substance. With the side looking stronger, DDD Jr thought they would have a good showing, but after 3 ends the dog could not buy a bowl within a Bahama Shlong of the kitty. (incidently its illegal to have a Bahama Shlong within 2 miles of any feline) DDD Jr had some close calls but the opposition Skip was his match. Enter the 4 end. As was the custom the opposition gave the Dogs the Mat and GG layed down a good length end that showed promise, then with 2 bowls bracketing the kitty within 1 foot, and had the dogs looking strong. Davy Mac, added to this total with a well placed back marker but a more important 3 bowl. After DDD Sr had finished, the not so worthy foes could do nothing but wander how their lead had been decimated in 1 end. 4-4 after 4 and the dogs could feel their lucky spot getting itchy. The lightest spinkle of rain began to fall and the dogs decided they would try and take the lead into the 6th hoping for a rain out. The 5th started and after 1 and 2 had gone, the dogs looked in disarray, they had nothing close and worst of all they were down 4 and DDD Sr was up. His first bowl was promising, looking to nestle into the bunch of their foes bowls on the back hand but too firm a grip, and he sailed wide and a touch long. The adjustment was ordered, and DDD Sr saw fit to listen to his Skip, but instead of bowling with less weight, he scratched is 'Bowls' and then put his next shot on rink 17 (we were rink 16) So once again, as has become a common theme for the dog, DDD Jr, with the weight of a million universes and maybe even a diluded bowls career of his own on his soulders, had to do the impossible. Reminisent of the night he first consumated his relationship with Ace von Bertouch, DDD Jr had to squeeze an unlikely sized bowl through a tight gap, that might just hurt someones feelings, but sqeeze he did. DDD Jr found a hole where possibly there was none and with a flacid flop lay his big black bowl down next to the goal...... Dogs claim 1. This was the end for the opponent, the dogs full of fight the 6th end was a rout and 3 shots soon saw the dogs look the goods for the evening. But last week held firm in the mind of the dog, and while up after 6 they went down in 12, which was not to happy thought and one which motivated the Dog to make sure they claimed the victory. Pitter Patter and the heavens opened, down came the rain and the wet but happy dog slunk into the clubhouse, happy with the win, but more so that they could come home early and write the report.

Honours list
GG - Filled the large shoes of LOL well, but not enough to worry the Seasoned opener when she returns from being on loan to Real Bowlsabad.
Davy Mac - good signs, had some positive ends.
DDD Sr - very consistant (consistantly about 2m away)
DDD Jr - stoked with the win!

Dead Dog Disgrace - 18/11/09

Earlier -Ring Ring- - Ring Ring- where the Fuck is the team?

DDD Sr and Jr fronted up to an empty green and 2 dogs down. So with sadness at a long night ahead DDD Jr went and recruited 2 rookies, and rookies they were. Tony a nice man but a useless bowler was to be the number 2 and another friendly face filled the 1 position, but Radar Ray had his radar set to bermuda, and the fucking objective is to get your bowls close the kitty on the green..... well fuck me if DDD sr stepped up at 3, with no Dogs bowls in play 3 ends in a row. So with mother love, DDD Jr, hoisted the Dog onto his muscular shoulders and began to carry them. The first 3 ends DDD Jr step up 2-4 shots down and each time convert this deficit to chalk up point for the dog. DDD started his own picket fence of 1's on the board, not bothering to see what his fellow teammates were doing he simply kept on trudging, sometimes through traffic thicker than the hair on his arse, but the fence kept going, and by the half way mark he had the dogs 5-2 up and looking for howl. This is where most people would switch off their TV's. With 1 and 2 for the dogs deciding they would have a contest of who could get the furthest from the kitty, and DDD Sr having a brain explosion, the dogs left 5-6 with the skip to clean up. The words that emanated from his mouth were, fuck it you retards (no offense to people with disabilities or special needs, in fact I think they would have bowled better) and DDD put 2 in the ditch to teach his apprentices a lesson... not sure what the lesson was, but 5 down in 1 end and the Hurculean efforts of DDD Jr could not help a team better suited to Shot Put. So the night took its turn for the worse and a second team of Teachers from a infamous school started to whoop and yell like they actually could afford to send their kids to that prestigious school.... not Fucking likely. So with a third beer I sit here wandering if I bother write anymore, the dogs were down and not amount of carrying could claw back mule hanging over a cliff when its first 2 legs dont even know they are attached to the mule.

Honorable mention

DDD Sr - for bowling it the wrong way on the 1 end we needed something close
DDD Jr - for not shooting the rest of the team

Dead Dog Dilly Dally - 11/11/09

In a season of little to be proud of the Dog fronted up for a match against a hated foe.... the Teachers from a unnamed school, had come back and in greater numbers, but this was not going to deter the beaten dog. A new look side ambled out onto the park, JTW* (see footnote below) a ring in, and The Hooded Finch, stepping out for the first time since retiring, and a valued extra it turned out. DDD Sr and Jr made up the numbers. The game started with an eb a flow battle but some quick thinking bowls from the Hooded Finch held the opposition at bay, and with 6 end gone the dog had taken a commanding lead. JTW a guy you dont want to play against but one you quite happily play with (annoying) was starting to get under the other teams skin, and the 1 pennant player they had felt the need to tell him that he should not be directing me.... as skipper...... so out came the sheep stations. The other skip was also a bit unnerved, feeling his powers of subduing kids at a primary school would work on DDD Jr, but this folly was met with gutteral tones of laughter "does he (JTW) need to come down here each end?" opposition skip said, "you can tell him not to if you like, but I think he is just excited and wants to kiss you" DDD replied. And so this cat and mouse game of niggle comments continued, but on the scoreboard is where it counts and the Dogs delivered on this account. Apparently the other 2 players for the Social Heirachy did not have tongues, or they were deft mutes as not a tone could be heard coming from them as the game went on...... whispering sounds instead, which sounded as intelligent as leaves on a tree. So it was that this persisted and with 2 ends to play the dogs started to slide. Up by 6 the dogs gave 2 away on the penultimate end to leave the door slightly ajar. As the last hint of light fell below the horizon, and the stillness of the air settled in for the night, DDD JR stepped up to the mat. Last to roll, on an end that saw the Hooded Finch fail to round out an otherwise spectacular night, and DDD Sr less than exciting. DDD looked down the other end. In his hand he held the last bowl, the Dogs were up by 4 but their snidey opposition held 4 on this last end.... so with the faint echo of meatloaf coming from the 1920s audio system, DDD bowled. As it cruised down the green the width looked good, but this had never been a problem for the skipper,his whole life his width was always good. The bowl took a turn at dog corner, and headed for home. A Whoop! erupted for JTW and DDD sr's lips as the bowl came to rest drawing shot and firmly placing their middle finger up at the less than moral opposition. With a smug smile DDD turned and shook the hand of the opposition Skip and if the conversation their eyes had, could be told in words, it would have been. "Lucky shot you little shit" the opposition skip would have said, only to get a reply of "Lucky? Lucky is your wrinkly old bowls ever getting close to the goal again you midget Santa!". and so the Dog walked off a winner.

Best
Hooded Finch - quality all night
DDD Sr - no bowls with the wrong bias
DDD Jr - always there to claim the glory.... might have been just 1 good bowl for the night, but it was the one and mattered

*Footnote: JTW from BBoys, is lets say, a colourful character. Never short of a comment when the game is close and does yell out from time to time when there is a good shot played by his side. He is a tallish man who chooses to support Movember all year round. The Albino caterpillar seen resting from the sun on his upper lip has been known to yell comments of its own when his excitement grows beyond bored!
But when you have a player like this on your side, like any good builder you always use the tools on hand and the largest tool was JTW.


DDD started the way he finished the week before, shot after shot taking the kitty in somewhat of a dance around the other bowls, always being the closest, toying with potential suiters but never to stray to far to let them in. If there ever was a question of the size of DDD Jr's shoulders, then tonight was the night.