You would have been forgiven for thinking you were seeing double at the hawthorn bowls club on the last windy Wednesday evening. A gully breeze sought to blow harder than a fat kid on his first birthday, eager to enjoy the reward below his candles.
As members of the Dogs stepped up to rink 19, there was a mute hush as not 1, but 2 DDDs strolled onto the green in unison. It looked like a clone had been made of the Dead Dogs long lost skipper..... Had the doctors mistaken his groin operation for something more dark and sinister. Two DDDs on 1 green...... but as the crowd looked closer, they could see that while almost as well built as the Dogs skipper, the shadow who mirrored his every move, was slightly folicly challenged, and had the look of the Dogs skipper 30 years from now. Snr vs Jr, the match was pitted as a grudge match, when earlier in the day, the Dogs looking to fill the 4th spot in their rotation were told their club was not fit for the likes of DDD snr, and thus he was playing for a team known only at Pure Momentum.
Well DDD Jr had news for his older more gravity challenged mirror..... the Dog does not take No from No one.... and like a Chuck Norris inspired fight scene, ripped his shirt off to show glistening muscle beneath his David Hasslehoff chest hair. 'WAKE UP CAMPBELL' ........ 'what!' DDD Jr had fallen asleep before the game, and only onlookers could speculate as to the dream he was having, with his T shirt ripped off and muttering ...... 'The Big Bang was just Chuck Norris doing a round house kick in Gods Face'
So with DDD Jr awake and ready for action, against the senior DDD, it would be a spiteful encounter, and only did the match reach its pinnacle, when DDD Snr revealed to DDD Jr that he was in fact his father! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The Grasshopper bowls being sidelined for some weeks, the Dogs sought a new friend to fill the void of club mascot, so the firemen were elected and the game started with a few easy ends. 2's being the order of the day, to Richie Benaud's delight, Pure Momentum could not shake the Dogs, so all of the scribbling was being done on the Dogs side of the score card. LOL as always the stout lead off bowler, happy to return to the number 1 position, put down some early pressure, and with Andy Zee next in the 3 dog line up, the quality was there for all to see.
Not much to be said for such a quality game, the Dogs put out all worrying blazes with their fire fighters leading the way. Most ends were close, but not quite close enough for the usurpers, so the Dog held somewhat of a training drill for the crowd and posted a total that would be a shot at the 6 pack.
Such ease the game was played with, on several occasions DDD spotted Andy Zee bowling opposite handed with his eyes closed. LOL taking a hint from this, decided to face the other way and cast her next few bowls over her head, landing them as always right on the kitty.
Such a large total DDD Jr could not remember the exact amount but over 20 and the opposition less then 2 more than 0 could only think they were out classed and out bowled on a blustery Wednesday night.
Entering the clubrooms last off the rink, the Dog thought the 6 pack in their grasp, but once again the mustache lead, self appointed upperclass of Biased by name and Bastards by nature, took home the 6 pack, only to select not one South Australian beer of the 6 they took home.......
other raffle wins went to various teams, but Pure Momentum had their night completed at they won a jar of pickled onions, and rightly so, because in this Dogs eyes, their game did stink!
Votes
3 - Andy Zee..... on fire, had trouble with the short ends, but bowled well when it mattered.
2 - LOL never a bowl out of place
1 - DDD, cos we only had 3 players, so I get 1 vote by default
honorable mention goes to Deric O, for a bowl that did not make it halfway down the rink, instead took a B-line for the side gutter and acted as our half way line.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
DEAD DOGS DELIVER 3 DEC 08
It was with heavy heart that Andy Zee and LOL fronted the green at Hawthorn. Out of a possible 8 contenders, only 2 could take up the challenge for the dogs. Injury once again had been our enemy. DDD’s groin injury has been persistent, and reconstruction surgery has been offered.
LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.
Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.
We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.
After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.
From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.
LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.
The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.
However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.
At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.
Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.
The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.
There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.
FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.
Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.
Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.
True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.
The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities
The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.
As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.
It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.
LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.
Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.
We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.
After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.
From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.
LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.
The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.
However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.
At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.
Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.
The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.
There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.
FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.
Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.
Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.
True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.
The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities
The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.
As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.
It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.
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