Another glorious mild Autumn evening with the night sky darkening quickly, and an air of excitement as your Dead Dog’s team fronted up for the final outing of the season. DDD took to the green early, eager to dispel any rumours of falling prey to bad habits. He was joined promptly by LOL and D-Mac and our team would have been complete, but for the 6.00pm text from Andy Zee striking train problems.
We had an exuberant warm-up, but the minutes ticked over, while the main action started on the surrounding rinks. To our immediate east, the match of the night was in progress – a show down, between the winners of the Tuesday night competition, and the winners of the Wednesday night competition, the Burglars.
DDD was immediately on to the organisers, but indeed this was to be the story of the night – a no-show from our opponents, who had obviously heard of the prowess of the Dead Dog’s team. We could not believe this was to be the finale of the season – ending with a whimper, not a bang.
DDD was decidedly disconsolate – it was obvious for all to see: the edgy pacing of the green, the restless gaze, the twitching right arm – all signs of an addict in need of a fix. It will be no surprise to others who know that young man that he took off in the direction of the other rinks to hawk his body to the highest bidder, to feed the craving inside.
He got lucky with a team called the Bridesmaids, short of a player. They had been looking for a man for a while – all season in fact, and it was a moot point whether they actually found one. Reports suggest he fitted seamlessly into the side, the hair-do, the sweet, swaggering walk, the frou-frou dress etc.
I would like to take up a breach of rules at this point with the DD team management – no documents signed, or transfer fees exchanged on the night. Allegations have been made of “Fine Cotton” ring-in. This sort of behaviour will only bring this team into disrepute!
Meanwhile, D-Mac and LOL were left to play against the Ghosts of Bowlers Past, and to say we vaporised the opposition was an obvious understatement: the perfect shots that we were going to play all season suddenly materialised, but no satisfaction could be gained from this performance.
By this time we were extremely worried by the non-appearance of Andy Zee. Text messages were exchanged with a guarantee that he was on his way - “would there still be a game on?” We didn’t have the heart to tell him “yes, but not on our rink”. D-Mac and LOL stopped for a three-quarter-time drink at 8.45 and AZ appeared out of the darkness. He had walked all the way from Salisbury – NOW THAT’S COMMITMENT!
Too late to start over with a friendly, we called the night quits and headed in for the supper, and the luck of the raffle table. DDD made a guest appearance at this stage, but with the edge taken off his hunger, he hurried on to “business” commitments. A likely story.
A fistful of tickets, and on the penultimate draw, our table struck luck. Andy Zee went forward to take the prize, a choice between the Sausage Rolls, or the International Roast. Unfortunately the Sausage Rolls were not made of bean curds and lentils, and it was with dubious pride he returned to the table with the most fitting trophy to end the Dead Dogs season.
Obviously, a fight broke out as to who would take this worthy prize home. D-Mac was sure the coffee would not find favour with his good lady, and AZ still had an unopened tin at home, while LOL swore she wouldn’t touch the stuff. It was then remembered that there was a little Orphan Boy in Melbourne, down on his luck, who would give his right arm for such a prize.
So there you go, Roscoe, – the Ashes of the 2008-2009 are heading your way.
(hang the food miles – I’ll plant a tree)
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
DEAD DOGS DIABOLICAL – 18TH MARCH 2009
After a flying visit from a member of the Northern Dogs, and success in our last outing, your team entered the penultimate game of the 2008/09 season with a quiet air of confidence. DDD again scratched himself, and many rumours are now circulating about match-fitness, particularly in view of his confessions of a certain doping scandal. We acknowledge his form at the recent ProAm competition, but realise the stress of fronting up to the greens on a Monday for a 9.00am start must have snapped the slender thread linking him with reality, and we can only wish him a speedy recovery.
It’s a shame to see a promising career cut short in its prime, particularly in view of the World Bowls Championship which hits Adelaide between 24 Nov and 9 December 2012. This is an event that is sure to make Adelaide rock, displacing that pissant car race held last weekend not to mention those arts-farts events on which this city has built a questionable reputation.
Despite our lengthy playing list, no replacement member was available to fill the gap, and a team of 3 took up the challenge. LOL and D-Mac were selected to take the 3 bowls, with skipper Andy Zee to keep the pack tidy from the other end.
Our opposing number were keen to take to the green, and our first win of the night was the toss of the coin. Our opposition skipper had spent the afternoon in the arms of his Muse, Terpsichore – the Greek Goddess of dance, music, free spirits, and, as it happens, Lawn Bowls. His teammates persisted in calling him by another name, but he would be better known by the soubriquet “Terps”.
This was a tightly contested game, with Andy Zee sneaking through the pack to take the first end. Our opponents, through their third and fourth player, came back strongly in the second to take 3 shots, and again in the 3rd end to take a 4 – 1 lead. Despite constant banter from the opposition chorus, Andy Zee again acquitted himself well, and by the 5th, it was a 4-all draw.
At this point, you may me questioning where the bloody hell was D-Mac and LOL, and like Lawrence Springborg, I can’t give a satisfactory answer. Time and again, Kitty was tickled and cajoled, and promises exchanged, only for the wanton creature to succumb to the advances of their number three, who left the field clear for his skipper, bowling with the wides, to make a arcing line in to take shot. Despite the obvious handicaps, the blighter could bowl.
Andy Zee bowled above himself (and below) to keep your DD team in contention, as our score card shows, leaving us still in with a chance at the final end, while the greens were emptying for the pizza feast inside.
However this game was not to be ours, and as our opposition disappeared into the night, along with D-Mac, LOL and Andy Zee were the sole representatives of the match to front the raffle table. Again we were denied – not so much as a whiff of the International Roast, despite a large note being thrown on the table.
FOOTNOTE: “Ace” VonB on his recent visit to Adelaide showed great form in adapting to the high standard of the revitalised Dead Dog team. Unfortunately, you will never know his starring role, as his paperwork has disappeared into the swirling dust of the Never Never land – lost forever.
It’s a shame to see a promising career cut short in its prime, particularly in view of the World Bowls Championship which hits Adelaide between 24 Nov and 9 December 2012. This is an event that is sure to make Adelaide rock, displacing that pissant car race held last weekend not to mention those arts-farts events on which this city has built a questionable reputation.
Despite our lengthy playing list, no replacement member was available to fill the gap, and a team of 3 took up the challenge. LOL and D-Mac were selected to take the 3 bowls, with skipper Andy Zee to keep the pack tidy from the other end.
Our opposing number were keen to take to the green, and our first win of the night was the toss of the coin. Our opposition skipper had spent the afternoon in the arms of his Muse, Terpsichore – the Greek Goddess of dance, music, free spirits, and, as it happens, Lawn Bowls. His teammates persisted in calling him by another name, but he would be better known by the soubriquet “Terps”.
This was a tightly contested game, with Andy Zee sneaking through the pack to take the first end. Our opponents, through their third and fourth player, came back strongly in the second to take 3 shots, and again in the 3rd end to take a 4 – 1 lead. Despite constant banter from the opposition chorus, Andy Zee again acquitted himself well, and by the 5th, it was a 4-all draw.
At this point, you may me questioning where the bloody hell was D-Mac and LOL, and like Lawrence Springborg, I can’t give a satisfactory answer. Time and again, Kitty was tickled and cajoled, and promises exchanged, only for the wanton creature to succumb to the advances of their number three, who left the field clear for his skipper, bowling with the wides, to make a arcing line in to take shot. Despite the obvious handicaps, the blighter could bowl.
Andy Zee bowled above himself (and below) to keep your DD team in contention, as our score card shows, leaving us still in with a chance at the final end, while the greens were emptying for the pizza feast inside.
However this game was not to be ours, and as our opposition disappeared into the night, along with D-Mac, LOL and Andy Zee were the sole representatives of the match to front the raffle table. Again we were denied – not so much as a whiff of the International Roast, despite a large note being thrown on the table.
FOOTNOTE: “Ace” VonB on his recent visit to Adelaide showed great form in adapting to the high standard of the revitalised Dead Dog team. Unfortunately, you will never know his starring role, as his paperwork has disappeared into the swirling dust of the Never Never land – lost forever.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Dead Dog Drowns Dreams - (Pro Am Monday)
On day of 28° when the trees were all still,
the Dogs were in bed, up for no reason, Nil.
One dog hopped up, with a smile on his face,
he strutted on down to the local bowls place.
Entered he had, into the local bowls comp,
and $2000 he could win with roll and a romp.
Pitted with 3 other bowlers alike,
DDD was on for the fight of his life.
Four games in all, till the finals did start,
Four games to bowl, till he could release a fart.
Game one was a tidy affair on the green,
Four old bowlers meet DDD, they were keen.
The ends completed fast, like virgin in bed,
the ends were all won, except 1 by the Dog Dead.
On to the next game with one in the belt,
DDD had a feeling unlike others he had felt.
Game two was, a quick fast and speedy affair,
the motley bunch of bowlers could taste success in the air.
2 games down DDD could count on 1 hand,
the number of games left for his rang tag band.
Games of 2 were the order for luncheon break,
DDD needed one more win, for the finals to make.
Bowl like the howl of the wind in the air,
bowl shouted the fans to encourage the pair.
end by end the two inch, even closer, and closer,
end by end the two got, more cocky like posers!
After 9 ends were played the bowls were all count,
and the team of DDD, a finals run they could mount!
Last game of the round robin, the team was to fight,
they drew the last game, this sis effect the plight.
Into the finals the team of four went,
Into the finals ranked second, were sent.
First game of finals the team of four stood,
against another team from the local Bowls Hood!
Hawthorn v Hawthorn, and fight till the death,
4 ends only, a knockout was left.
Down early went the DDD, his aim was awry,
now the only thing left was to fight, claw and cry.
4 ends goes quick and with 1 left to play,
the team was left, 2 bowls astray.
On the last end the bowlers of DDD's team fought,
3 was needed to salvage a win of a sort.
but only 2 bowls were left close to the kitty,
DDD was left to rue missed opportunity, a pity.
In the event of a draw, 1 bowl for each side,
T to T this was the only way to decide.
Lead bowler from each of the fighting last teams,
and DDD was the first from his team so it seams.
2nd to bowl the first bowler was close,
DDD needed something within 7 pieces of toast.
with the wind in the air, a gallery full of stares,
DDD delivery a bowl, to pay for his fares.
Out the hand and onto the pristine bowls green,
the bowls was close, the result to be seen.
Alas for the Dog, this was not his day,
the bowl scooted past into the gutter, out of play.
and so the team finished with hung heads and sorrow,
to come back next year to fight on the morrow!
the Dogs were in bed, up for no reason, Nil.
One dog hopped up, with a smile on his face,
he strutted on down to the local bowls place.
Entered he had, into the local bowls comp,
and $2000 he could win with roll and a romp.
Pitted with 3 other bowlers alike,
DDD was on for the fight of his life.
Four games in all, till the finals did start,
Four games to bowl, till he could release a fart.
Game one was a tidy affair on the green,
Four old bowlers meet DDD, they were keen.
The ends completed fast, like virgin in bed,
the ends were all won, except 1 by the Dog Dead.
On to the next game with one in the belt,
DDD had a feeling unlike others he had felt.
Game two was, a quick fast and speedy affair,
the motley bunch of bowlers could taste success in the air.
2 games down DDD could count on 1 hand,
the number of games left for his rang tag band.
Games of 2 were the order for luncheon break,
DDD needed one more win, for the finals to make.
Bowl like the howl of the wind in the air,
bowl shouted the fans to encourage the pair.
end by end the two inch, even closer, and closer,
end by end the two got, more cocky like posers!
After 9 ends were played the bowls were all count,
and the team of DDD, a finals run they could mount!
Last game of the round robin, the team was to fight,
they drew the last game, this sis effect the plight.
Into the finals the team of four went,
Into the finals ranked second, were sent.
First game of finals the team of four stood,
against another team from the local Bowls Hood!
Hawthorn v Hawthorn, and fight till the death,
4 ends only, a knockout was left.
Down early went the DDD, his aim was awry,
now the only thing left was to fight, claw and cry.
4 ends goes quick and with 1 left to play,
the team was left, 2 bowls astray.
On the last end the bowlers of DDD's team fought,
3 was needed to salvage a win of a sort.
but only 2 bowls were left close to the kitty,
DDD was left to rue missed opportunity, a pity.
In the event of a draw, 1 bowl for each side,
T to T this was the only way to decide.
Lead bowler from each of the fighting last teams,
and DDD was the first from his team so it seams.
2nd to bowl the first bowler was close,
DDD needed something within 7 pieces of toast.
with the wind in the air, a gallery full of stares,
DDD delivery a bowl, to pay for his fares.
Out the hand and onto the pristine bowls green,
the bowls was close, the result to be seen.
Alas for the Dog, this was not his day,
the bowl scooted past into the gutter, out of play.
and so the team finished with hung heads and sorrow,
to come back next year to fight on the morrow!
Monday, March 9, 2009
DEAD DOGS DREAMING – 4 March 2009
DDD was an early scratching from this week’s game – a more important event on the Adelaide Cup weekend saw him in the trainer’s hands yet again, with talks of an overuse injury threatening his future career. It was DDD senior who was given the opportunity to replace him in the team.
At this point, Andy Zee was suffering conniptions as he looked into the future and he saw it was grey, and the prospect of getting some order from 3 senior members filled him with dismay. It was therefore with mixed feelings that he took the call from D-Mac who also ruled himself unfit for the night.
A ring around to the Dynamic Duo saw Magic Mike eager to assist with Tracy content to play a support act, so our foursome was complete.
There was concern in the opening gambits that the other team was prepared to play dirty, when LOL showing some form in the warm up was offered the Double Scotch. This lady was not for turning, as she knew that to appear squiffy would seriously undermine the confidence of her fellow teammates.
The same could not be said for the opposition, who approached the social side of the game with some savoir-faire, appearing with the wine tray, the glasses and the bottle of red. This did not translate well in to their on field performance – if they were not “Aarrgh” at the beginning of the game they certainly were at the end!
Yes, Dear Reader, your team has done it again, and for the accountants amongst up minded, I again lay before you a beautiful set of numbers.
You may be wondering how this motley crew did it, considering the inexperience of some of the members, and in all honesty – it wasn’t pretty.
The win on the toss saw us unprepared, and we lay down on the first 3 ends like a pack of Dead Dogs.
Andy Zee did his best by being absent from his post for the first half of the game – the networking, the trip to the bar, the food – all claimed his attention, and considering our early performance, who could blame him? Then something clicked – it could have been the right knee of the Replacement Senior Member (RSM), or maybe the rosy glow of the bottle of red had taken its toll on our worthy opposition. Perhaps their skipper was just jacked off at having to buy his own pints – the camaraderie was all down the other end: but then the turn around with 4 bowls outclassing their best.
This stung them into action, responding with a 3, but as it turned out, this was the high point of their game.
For the out-of-towners, Adelaide had taken a bucketing during the week (OK just the 1 bucket – enough for us all to have a decent wash). This was a mild evening with the green showing some inconsistency in taking the bias.
We bowled long, we bowled short, and we bowled wide, but we always outclassed them - just. They did have their chances though. At the eighth, we were 3 down with a close pack of enemy bowls around kitty. Andy Zee’s first delivery saw him weave a tight line through the defences, but a metre well short. The opposition skipper, sensing an exposed jugular came in from the other side to leave his bowl in contention. AZ’s last delivery was so unexpected that the rest of the team did not realise what had happened: following the line of his first, he cunningly gave it enough biff and at the right angle to cannonball through and cosy up to kitty giving us the end.
We cheered – they didn’t. They were already into hangover territory.
LOL made a late entry into the game from a very ordinary start, and was able to assist her teammates in wiping up the last few ends.
Magic Mike having been given the whisper earlier that it was lawn bowls we were playing, not marbles, wisely chose something more substantial to get his hands around. This together with encouragement from his entourage gave him success on several ends when the going was tough for us.
The RSM led the charge back into the game at the 4th and gave a solid performance all evening.
Magic Mike again proved lucky with the raffle, taking home the street directory, but there was a protest call on the night, with allegations of rigging when 1 table cleared up 4 prizes.
NOTE OF WARNING: Andy Zee has left DDD in an invidious position by withdrawing from the weekend Pro-Am competition and folking off to Port Fairy.
Rumours of an impending alliance with a member of The Bowls Bags, has shocked the Dead Dogs team to the core. We may be a mongrel breed, but there are some unspoken boundaries beyond which a DD will not go!
At this point, Andy Zee was suffering conniptions as he looked into the future and he saw it was grey, and the prospect of getting some order from 3 senior members filled him with dismay. It was therefore with mixed feelings that he took the call from D-Mac who also ruled himself unfit for the night.
A ring around to the Dynamic Duo saw Magic Mike eager to assist with Tracy content to play a support act, so our foursome was complete.
There was concern in the opening gambits that the other team was prepared to play dirty, when LOL showing some form in the warm up was offered the Double Scotch. This lady was not for turning, as she knew that to appear squiffy would seriously undermine the confidence of her fellow teammates.
The same could not be said for the opposition, who approached the social side of the game with some savoir-faire, appearing with the wine tray, the glasses and the bottle of red. This did not translate well in to their on field performance – if they were not “Aarrgh” at the beginning of the game they certainly were at the end!
Yes, Dear Reader, your team has done it again, and for the accountants amongst up minded, I again lay before you a beautiful set of numbers.
You may be wondering how this motley crew did it, considering the inexperience of some of the members, and in all honesty – it wasn’t pretty.
The win on the toss saw us unprepared, and we lay down on the first 3 ends like a pack of Dead Dogs.
Andy Zee did his best by being absent from his post for the first half of the game – the networking, the trip to the bar, the food – all claimed his attention, and considering our early performance, who could blame him? Then something clicked – it could have been the right knee of the Replacement Senior Member (RSM), or maybe the rosy glow of the bottle of red had taken its toll on our worthy opposition. Perhaps their skipper was just jacked off at having to buy his own pints – the camaraderie was all down the other end: but then the turn around with 4 bowls outclassing their best.
This stung them into action, responding with a 3, but as it turned out, this was the high point of their game.
For the out-of-towners, Adelaide had taken a bucketing during the week (OK just the 1 bucket – enough for us all to have a decent wash). This was a mild evening with the green showing some inconsistency in taking the bias.
We bowled long, we bowled short, and we bowled wide, but we always outclassed them - just. They did have their chances though. At the eighth, we were 3 down with a close pack of enemy bowls around kitty. Andy Zee’s first delivery saw him weave a tight line through the defences, but a metre well short. The opposition skipper, sensing an exposed jugular came in from the other side to leave his bowl in contention. AZ’s last delivery was so unexpected that the rest of the team did not realise what had happened: following the line of his first, he cunningly gave it enough biff and at the right angle to cannonball through and cosy up to kitty giving us the end.
We cheered – they didn’t. They were already into hangover territory.
LOL made a late entry into the game from a very ordinary start, and was able to assist her teammates in wiping up the last few ends.
Magic Mike having been given the whisper earlier that it was lawn bowls we were playing, not marbles, wisely chose something more substantial to get his hands around. This together with encouragement from his entourage gave him success on several ends when the going was tough for us.
The RSM led the charge back into the game at the 4th and gave a solid performance all evening.
Magic Mike again proved lucky with the raffle, taking home the street directory, but there was a protest call on the night, with allegations of rigging when 1 table cleared up 4 prizes.
NOTE OF WARNING: Andy Zee has left DDD in an invidious position by withdrawing from the weekend Pro-Am competition and folking off to Port Fairy.
Rumours of an impending alliance with a member of The Bowls Bags, has shocked the Dead Dogs team to the core. We may be a mongrel breed, but there are some unspoken boundaries beyond which a DD will not go!
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