DEAD DOGS DIABOLICAL – 18TH MARCH 2009

After a flying visit from a member of the Northern Dogs, and success in our last outing, your team entered the penultimate game of the 2008/09 season with a quiet air of confidence. DDD again scratched himself, and many rumours are now circulating about match-fitness, particularly in view of his confessions of a certain doping scandal. We acknowledge his form at the recent ProAm competition, but realise the stress of fronting up to the greens on a Monday for a 9.00am start must have snapped the slender thread linking him with reality, and we can only wish him a speedy recovery.

It’s a shame to see a promising career cut short in its prime, particularly in view of the World Bowls Championship which hits Adelaide between 24 Nov and 9 December 2012. This is an event that is sure to make Adelaide rock, displacing that pissant car race held last weekend not to mention those arts-farts events on which this city has built a questionable reputation.

Despite our lengthy playing list, no replacement member was available to fill the gap, and a team of 3 took up the challenge. LOL and D-Mac were selected to take the 3 bowls, with skipper Andy Zee to keep the pack tidy from the other end.

Our opposing number were keen to take to the green, and our first win of the night was the toss of the coin. Our opposition skipper had spent the afternoon in the arms of his Muse, Terpsichore – the Greek Goddess of dance, music, free spirits, and, as it happens, Lawn Bowls. His teammates persisted in calling him by another name, but he would be better known by the soubriquet “Terps”.

This was a tightly contested game, with Andy Zee sneaking through the pack to take the first end. Our opponents, through their third and fourth player, came back strongly in the second to take 3 shots, and again in the 3rd end to take a 4 – 1 lead. Despite constant banter from the opposition chorus, Andy Zee again acquitted himself well, and by the 5th, it was a 4-all draw.

At this point, you may me questioning where the bloody hell was D-Mac and LOL, and like Lawrence Springborg, I can’t give a satisfactory answer. Time and again, Kitty was tickled and cajoled, and promises exchanged, only for the wanton creature to succumb to the advances of their number three, who left the field clear for his skipper, bowling with the wides, to make a arcing line in to take shot. Despite the obvious handicaps, the blighter could bowl.

Andy Zee bowled above himself (and below) to keep your DD team in contention, as our score card shows, leaving us still in with a chance at the final end, while the greens were emptying for the pizza feast inside.
However this game was not to be ours, and as our opposition disappeared into the night, along with D-Mac, LOL and Andy Zee were the sole representatives of the match to front the raffle table. Again we were denied – not so much as a whiff of the International Roast, despite a large note being thrown on the table.

FOOTNOTE: “Ace” VonB on his recent visit to Adelaide showed great form in adapting to the high standard of the revitalised Dead Dog team. Unfortunately, you will never know his starring role, as his paperwork has disappeared into the swirling dust of the Never Never land – lost forever.