You would have been forgiven for thinking you were seeing double at the hawthorn bowls club on the last windy Wednesday evening. A gully breeze sought to blow harder than a fat kid on his first birthday, eager to enjoy the reward below his candles.
As members of the Dogs stepped up to rink 19, there was a mute hush as not 1, but 2 DDDs strolled onto the green in unison. It looked like a clone had been made of the Dead Dogs long lost skipper..... Had the doctors mistaken his groin operation for something more dark and sinister. Two DDDs on 1 green...... but as the crowd looked closer, they could see that while almost as well built as the Dogs skipper, the shadow who mirrored his every move, was slightly folicly challenged, and had the look of the Dogs skipper 30 years from now. Snr vs Jr, the match was pitted as a grudge match, when earlier in the day, the Dogs looking to fill the 4th spot in their rotation were told their club was not fit for the likes of DDD snr, and thus he was playing for a team known only at Pure Momentum.
Well DDD Jr had news for his older more gravity challenged mirror..... the Dog does not take No from No one.... and like a Chuck Norris inspired fight scene, ripped his shirt off to show glistening muscle beneath his David Hasslehoff chest hair. 'WAKE UP CAMPBELL' ........ 'what!' DDD Jr had fallen asleep before the game, and only onlookers could speculate as to the dream he was having, with his T shirt ripped off and muttering ...... 'The Big Bang was just Chuck Norris doing a round house kick in Gods Face'
So with DDD Jr awake and ready for action, against the senior DDD, it would be a spiteful encounter, and only did the match reach its pinnacle, when DDD Snr revealed to DDD Jr that he was in fact his father! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The Grasshopper bowls being sidelined for some weeks, the Dogs sought a new friend to fill the void of club mascot, so the firemen were elected and the game started with a few easy ends. 2's being the order of the day, to Richie Benaud's delight, Pure Momentum could not shake the Dogs, so all of the scribbling was being done on the Dogs side of the score card. LOL as always the stout lead off bowler, happy to return to the number 1 position, put down some early pressure, and with Andy Zee next in the 3 dog line up, the quality was there for all to see.
Not much to be said for such a quality game, the Dogs put out all worrying blazes with their fire fighters leading the way. Most ends were close, but not quite close enough for the usurpers, so the Dog held somewhat of a training drill for the crowd and posted a total that would be a shot at the 6 pack.
Such ease the game was played with, on several occasions DDD spotted Andy Zee bowling opposite handed with his eyes closed. LOL taking a hint from this, decided to face the other way and cast her next few bowls over her head, landing them as always right on the kitty.
Such a large total DDD Jr could not remember the exact amount but over 20 and the opposition less then 2 more than 0 could only think they were out classed and out bowled on a blustery Wednesday night.
Entering the clubrooms last off the rink, the Dog thought the 6 pack in their grasp, but once again the mustache lead, self appointed upperclass of Biased by name and Bastards by nature, took home the 6 pack, only to select not one South Australian beer of the 6 they took home.......
other raffle wins went to various teams, but Pure Momentum had their night completed at they won a jar of pickled onions, and rightly so, because in this Dogs eyes, their game did stink!
Votes
3 - Andy Zee..... on fire, had trouble with the short ends, but bowled well when it mattered.
2 - LOL never a bowl out of place
1 - DDD, cos we only had 3 players, so I get 1 vote by default
honorable mention goes to Deric O, for a bowl that did not make it halfway down the rink, instead took a B-line for the side gutter and acted as our half way line.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
DEAD DOGS DELIVER 3 DEC 08
It was with heavy heart that Andy Zee and LOL fronted the green at Hawthorn. Out of a possible 8 contenders, only 2 could take up the challenge for the dogs. Injury once again had been our enemy. DDD’s groin injury has been persistent, and reconstruction surgery has been offered.
LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.
Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.
We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.
After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.
From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.
LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.
The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.
However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.
At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.
Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.
The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.
There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.
FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.
Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.
Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.
True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.
The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities
The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.
As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.
It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.
LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.
Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.
We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.
After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.
From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.
LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.
The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.
However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.
At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.
Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.
The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.
There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.
FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.
Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.
Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.
True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.
The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities
The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.
As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.
It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
NEW Dog on the Way!
With the dogs season hitting a mid season hiccup, DDD has sought to bring some inspiration back to the wounded Dog. In a press conference last night DDD announced that he and the Ring in Ranga, have a second Dead Dog junior on the way. This News has pushed the Dogs share price through the roof as shareholders pleased that the future of the Dog is all but secured.
DEAD DOGS DOLDRUMS – Nov 26
The dogs blooded a new member again this week, taking the playing group to 8 faces for the season thus far.
DDD elected to stay on the bench – a groin strain injury, while PDF had pulled a hammy. This left an opening for EB (emerging businesswoman) Tracy to take her place on the green, playing behind LOL, again as decoy, with D-Mac at no. 3, and Andy Zee, trying to hold the pack together as skip.
This was a tall order, our opposition being the dastardly foes, “Biased” by name, and “Bastard” by reputation, (otherwise known as The Molders of Future Adelaide Establishment (TMFAE)). They took a familiar arrogant stance on the green, daggers drawn, moustaches twirling – pity the male members were not similarly equipped.
Enough of the idle chitchat – you want to hear about the game.
It was a perfect night, the greens hard and fast, and a hint of moisture in the night air, which delivered nothing (there is a drought in Adelaide you know), and the wind a bare whisper, which failed to stir even the golden locks of our skipper.
We won the toss, which was a bad omen, and we were held scoreless until the 4th end, when the ladies demonstrated how to place the bowls, giving us 2.
This effort wiped the smirk off the faces of our opposition, and they attempted to “colonise” the dogs. They soon realised this was a pathetic effort as D-Mac was able to outscore them on academic points, and they turned their attention to settling the score on the green.
Despite the Grasshoppers being given an airing by the DD, they failed to work their magic. D-Mac had been handed a pair of number 13’s, which in hindsight, may have jinxed the night, playing on the 13th rink on the 26th November – Triskaidekaphobia was not in his wordbook. The opposition, playing with their own bowls (they would, wouldn’t they?) had better success on the night.
All 4 opposition members inflicted damage, despite some brilliant play by the dogs, which failed to deliver on the scoreboard. As you might expect, the dogs were instructed in the finer points of the game – its number 3 who does the measuring, number 2 ……etc. etc. We appreciated their efforts. However there was tension in the opposite side with their skipper on the night being a hasty fill-in for the late- arriving captain. “She is playing well isn’t she” was heard on more than one occasion, which makes for a promising cat-fight in the future.
EB gave a stellar performance on her opening to the season, always looking threatening, but the 3 regulars were lacklustre in performance with only a few bursts of dazzle and delight. Our most successful end was the 10th, when we manage to give them a left, right, and centre biff, scoring 3, but this run was too little too late, going down 19 – 6 at the final call.
The raffle yielded more luck, with LOL getting the numbers – a choice between the Pickled Onions, the International Roast, and a packet of appropriately named Devil’s Delight Mixed Nuts – with a Quiz Night looming on the Saturday night for EB and Andy Zee, it was a no-brainer.
An after-match de-brief with archenemies “The Bowls Bags” gave some comfort to our night. The Bags had faced our erstwhile opposition the previous week, and we take some Perverse Pleasure that Pip had Pipped our Scotch friends on the last bowl of the last end, to take out a tightly fought and aggressive game.
Note to DD Dandy - the Mystic Mauve Roosters were available last week, but following your write up of the previous match, no one was prepared to touch them!!!
DDD elected to stay on the bench – a groin strain injury, while PDF had pulled a hammy. This left an opening for EB (emerging businesswoman) Tracy to take her place on the green, playing behind LOL, again as decoy, with D-Mac at no. 3, and Andy Zee, trying to hold the pack together as skip.
This was a tall order, our opposition being the dastardly foes, “Biased” by name, and “Bastard” by reputation, (otherwise known as The Molders of Future Adelaide Establishment (TMFAE)). They took a familiar arrogant stance on the green, daggers drawn, moustaches twirling – pity the male members were not similarly equipped.
Enough of the idle chitchat – you want to hear about the game.
It was a perfect night, the greens hard and fast, and a hint of moisture in the night air, which delivered nothing (there is a drought in Adelaide you know), and the wind a bare whisper, which failed to stir even the golden locks of our skipper.
We won the toss, which was a bad omen, and we were held scoreless until the 4th end, when the ladies demonstrated how to place the bowls, giving us 2.
This effort wiped the smirk off the faces of our opposition, and they attempted to “colonise” the dogs. They soon realised this was a pathetic effort as D-Mac was able to outscore them on academic points, and they turned their attention to settling the score on the green.
Despite the Grasshoppers being given an airing by the DD, they failed to work their magic. D-Mac had been handed a pair of number 13’s, which in hindsight, may have jinxed the night, playing on the 13th rink on the 26th November – Triskaidekaphobia was not in his wordbook. The opposition, playing with their own bowls (they would, wouldn’t they?) had better success on the night.
All 4 opposition members inflicted damage, despite some brilliant play by the dogs, which failed to deliver on the scoreboard. As you might expect, the dogs were instructed in the finer points of the game – its number 3 who does the measuring, number 2 ……etc. etc. We appreciated their efforts. However there was tension in the opposite side with their skipper on the night being a hasty fill-in for the late- arriving captain. “She is playing well isn’t she” was heard on more than one occasion, which makes for a promising cat-fight in the future.
EB gave a stellar performance on her opening to the season, always looking threatening, but the 3 regulars were lacklustre in performance with only a few bursts of dazzle and delight. Our most successful end was the 10th, when we manage to give them a left, right, and centre biff, scoring 3, but this run was too little too late, going down 19 – 6 at the final call.
The raffle yielded more luck, with LOL getting the numbers – a choice between the Pickled Onions, the International Roast, and a packet of appropriately named Devil’s Delight Mixed Nuts – with a Quiz Night looming on the Saturday night for EB and Andy Zee, it was a no-brainer.
An after-match de-brief with archenemies “The Bowls Bags” gave some comfort to our night. The Bags had faced our erstwhile opposition the previous week, and we take some Perverse Pleasure that Pip had Pipped our Scotch friends on the last bowl of the last end, to take out a tightly fought and aggressive game.
Note to DD Dandy - the Mystic Mauve Roosters were available last week, but following your write up of the previous match, no one was prepared to touch them!!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Can a Dead Dog bite? 19/11/08
Well if last night was anything to go by, the answer is sadly no.
Up against a serious mom/pop/daughter trio plus a semi pro ring in skipper, the ironically named 'Hard Drives' (senior had his PC out of action and was delighted to have someone to talk tech with) offered little challenge early in the evening. The Dogs, comprising of staples LOL and Andy Zee, plus Davy Mac and Prodigal Dog Finch put in a steady first trimester - scoring 1 point on the first 4 ends with relative ease. Some nice openers from LOL, a nod to Ace vB from PDF with a particularly classy wrong bias second bowl and all remaining bowls at least going in the right direction with the correct bias.
The bell tolled signalling a turnaround for the worse on the fifth, when our opponents showed their name wasn't just a nod to some inconceivable technology and their skipper turned a 3 up lead in to 1 down with a well placed powerdrive. The sixth saw the Dogs struggle to find closeness with Kitty, and our confidence took at hit with a 3 down loss evening the scoreboard. The downward spiral to madness had begun, with several ends lost to 1 or 2, and the Hard Drives managing to reduce to single points or turn around any strong early Dog leads. A noteable recovery shot through by Davy Mac turning a possible 3 down to 1, and an unusual turn of events saw a drive from their skipper take Kitty in to the gutter prompting for rule discussion. Also special mention to the Hard Drives for the most requests for tape measurement encountered by this Dog to date.
The raffle failed to provide relief with nothing chalked up to the Dogs, but did provide much amusement as a young team took home approx half of the prize table & equally as much abuse! To this Dog, the real winner of the night was Coopers, once again proving their Best Extra Stout is a cut above the rest.
But these Dogs are not yet out for the count, and will no doubt be back next week with teeth bared!
Final Score - 12 / 6
Ends won - 6 a piece
MVP - LOL chalking up the most points
Wrong Bias Award - PDF showing how not to do it in style
Best Save Award- Davy Mac for that deep end turnaround
'Couldn't think of a suitable award' Award - Andy Zee!
Up against a serious mom/pop/daughter trio plus a semi pro ring in skipper, the ironically named 'Hard Drives' (senior had his PC out of action and was delighted to have someone to talk tech with) offered little challenge early in the evening. The Dogs, comprising of staples LOL and Andy Zee, plus Davy Mac and Prodigal Dog Finch put in a steady first trimester - scoring 1 point on the first 4 ends with relative ease. Some nice openers from LOL, a nod to Ace vB from PDF with a particularly classy wrong bias second bowl and all remaining bowls at least going in the right direction with the correct bias.
The bell tolled signalling a turnaround for the worse on the fifth, when our opponents showed their name wasn't just a nod to some inconceivable technology and their skipper turned a 3 up lead in to 1 down with a well placed powerdrive. The sixth saw the Dogs struggle to find closeness with Kitty, and our confidence took at hit with a 3 down loss evening the scoreboard. The downward spiral to madness had begun, with several ends lost to 1 or 2, and the Hard Drives managing to reduce to single points or turn around any strong early Dog leads. A noteable recovery shot through by Davy Mac turning a possible 3 down to 1, and an unusual turn of events saw a drive from their skipper take Kitty in to the gutter prompting for rule discussion. Also special mention to the Hard Drives for the most requests for tape measurement encountered by this Dog to date.
The raffle failed to provide relief with nothing chalked up to the Dogs, but did provide much amusement as a young team took home approx half of the prize table & equally as much abuse! To this Dog, the real winner of the night was Coopers, once again proving their Best Extra Stout is a cut above the rest.
But these Dogs are not yet out for the count, and will no doubt be back next week with teeth bared!
Final Score - 12 / 6
Ends won - 6 a piece
MVP - LOL chalking up the most points
Wrong Bias Award - PDF showing how not to do it in style
Best Save Award- Davy Mac for that deep end turnaround
'Couldn't think of a suitable award' Award - Andy Zee!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Dead Dog Drinks - 12/11/08
Coming off last weeks high, the dogs had a few injuries coming into the long awaited clash with respected rival 'ARRR'. Andy Zee the main member in doubt was only cleared in a late fitness test and missed the first end of the evening. Dead Dog Dandy, Skipper again for the 4th time this season, had found a home in the pivotal roll of last strike bowl and due to yet another lost toss, found himself bowling last on the first end. With the grasshoppers bowls going missing prior to the match, in a spiteful attempt to unsettle the Dogs Leader, DDD was left to try and find a suitable replacement, so without hesitation, DDD pulled out the 'Cocks'. Rooster in hand and 1 bowl remaining on the first end with 2 shot deficit staring him in the face, DDD saw a glowing image of his former mentor, Tickets Parkin, appear in a blue haze like Obi Won before him, his soft voice whispered to him....... 'go to the Degobah System, there you will meet Yoda'......Not sure if this apparition was ment to give him an insite into the strategy for his final bowl, or just a result off watching too many starwars movies while intoxicated, DDD stepped up and delivered the final bowl releasing a blow that would set the tone for the night ahead. The Purple coloured Cock caressed the kitty with subtle firmness and authority and turned 2 down to 1 up and positive start for the Dog. The second end spelt the beginning of the end for 'ARRR', and some high class bowling from the whole team lead to 5 for the end and a firm grip on the game. The game passed as easy as the summer evening it was, 2 and 4 for the next 2 ends and dog started singing Pants, Pants, Pants. Be it a different looking side from previous seasons, the Dog has proven to still be a force on the green and in the raffle, and last night was no different. With memories of beer, wine and International Roast in their minds, the Dead Dogs went about their business and with a few hiccoughs along the way, secured a 18 shot win and the respect of all foes. Mentions should go to LOL with some supurb early bowling making the rest of the dogs lives easier, and also Andy Zee, throwing down some useful scorers and cannon fodder when necessary.
Later that night, the official scorers announced that the Dog had climbed to the top of the Hawthorn Wednesday Night Bowls Ladder, with crushing victories against lesser foes, and a hush fell over the crowd as on a count back the Dogs took the first of the 2 most prized weekly awards, the 6 pack. (good work Dogs!) The second of the sought after awards came in the form of a 25% extra tin of the finest roast around, Andy Zee, holding his form from the green into the raffle, took out the highly prized International Roast, now with 25% more.
Off field news sees a grudge match developing for the Northern Dogs, who have picked a fight with a local syndicate. Sources quote Ace von Bertouch saying "If you were half the bowler I was, you would be 2 foot midget with merkin for a beard". This has angered some locals, but the Northern Dogs have picked up a few crucial signings and might just be able to follow through with the bravado of Ace vB and Tickets Parkin.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Dead Dog Dance - 5/11/08
The off field issues sorted for the Dog, their attention returned to the green and with it their full rotation of starting players. Lead Off Linda opening the batting with Davy Mac and Andy Zee filling the turn table middle order, it was left to Dead Dog Dandy to place a firm hand on the rear of the team and squeeze his bowls in when tight situations presented. Meatloaf on the airways, DDD could not help but be inspired while the fat sweaty love of his life, serenaded him into a mood for destruction. (well you were licking your lips as your lipstick shined, and I was dying just to ask for ACE!!)
The dead dogs sought to pick up where they let off the week before and with a picket fence of 1's on the scoreboard early they stretched their lead with every end. The full force of the dog was present and every member of the crowd felt their intentions early. With a few more ends adding to their total the dog sought to attack the jugular and finish off its prey quick and painlessly. LOL at her stirling best, placed no less than 4 bowls withing a parrots pecker of the kitty throughout the night and in the 6th this remarkable lead off, helped Davy Mac and Andy Zee put the helpless prey to the sword with 4 more making for the 6 end an a strangle hold on the match.
Not many words can describe the performance of their opposition, to be frank, it seamed they failed to even turn up for the evening, and the Dogs were left to frolic on the green, turning negatives of 1 or 2 into positive scores. As the night wore on another end of 6 was added to the total and with that a firm chance of securing the 6 pack for the first time this season. A few strategic changes by Davy mac altering his Skylark bowls for the favoured grasshoppers of DDD, unbeknown to himself, added intrigue to the evening, and possibly the most interesting was the end Davy Mac could not decide for either and went for 1 of each. So Skylarking with the Grasshoppers it was, but the professionalism and grace of DDD shone through as in the back 6 ends, not much could waiver his steady hand.
The evening wound down and with such an insurmountable lead, there remaind only 2 things to be decided, who won the coverted 6 pack and if the dogs could pants the opposition.
I would not put them on a Frog,
I would not put them on a log,
I would not, could not, on a train,
nor in a house or in the rain,
I would not, could not, Pants our foes,
I would not Pants them to their toes.
So as DDD sung his little tune, the dogs stepped up to the 11th end and with raffle prizes on the mind and a 6 pack waiting in the wings, the Dog faltered. Like a predator letting they prey have one final breath of life, like a prisoners last cigarette, like Ace von Bertouch giving just a hint of whats below his sarong, to a dying man.......and the chance was gone...... be it only by 1.
The last off the green, the Dogs were looked at with frustration by the club house, one brave soul vetured a comment 'take your time did you' which DDD replied, 'A masterpiece takes time, do you think Michaelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel quickly just for a chance at the International Roast?'
You would think 15 would be enough to secure the 6 pack, maybe even 20..... the Dog did not stop there and piled on an impressive margin of 24 (25-1) But the crulest twist of fate was yet to come for a night that will go down in the Dog Record books, 24 would not be enough and it was the Fud Puckers who with 28 took the pale ale.
Dogslow Votes
3 - LOL easily the best lead off batter of any side
2 - Andy Zee, had a nice litte patch in the middle to snuff out the oppositions hopes of a score
1 - DDD (only because Davy Mac bowled 2 with the wrong bias)
The dead dogs sought to pick up where they let off the week before and with a picket fence of 1's on the scoreboard early they stretched their lead with every end. The full force of the dog was present and every member of the crowd felt their intentions early. With a few more ends adding to their total the dog sought to attack the jugular and finish off its prey quick and painlessly. LOL at her stirling best, placed no less than 4 bowls withing a parrots pecker of the kitty throughout the night and in the 6th this remarkable lead off, helped Davy Mac and Andy Zee put the helpless prey to the sword with 4 more making for the 6 end an a strangle hold on the match.
Not many words can describe the performance of their opposition, to be frank, it seamed they failed to even turn up for the evening, and the Dogs were left to frolic on the green, turning negatives of 1 or 2 into positive scores. As the night wore on another end of 6 was added to the total and with that a firm chance of securing the 6 pack for the first time this season. A few strategic changes by Davy mac altering his Skylark bowls for the favoured grasshoppers of DDD, unbeknown to himself, added intrigue to the evening, and possibly the most interesting was the end Davy Mac could not decide for either and went for 1 of each. So Skylarking with the Grasshoppers it was, but the professionalism and grace of DDD shone through as in the back 6 ends, not much could waiver his steady hand.
The evening wound down and with such an insurmountable lead, there remaind only 2 things to be decided, who won the coverted 6 pack and if the dogs could pants the opposition.
I would not put them on a Frog,
I would not put them on a log,
I would not, could not, on a train,
nor in a house or in the rain,
I would not, could not, Pants our foes,
I would not Pants them to their toes.
So as DDD sung his little tune, the dogs stepped up to the 11th end and with raffle prizes on the mind and a 6 pack waiting in the wings, the Dog faltered. Like a predator letting they prey have one final breath of life, like a prisoners last cigarette, like Ace von Bertouch giving just a hint of whats below his sarong, to a dying man.......and the chance was gone...... be it only by 1.
The last off the green, the Dogs were looked at with frustration by the club house, one brave soul vetured a comment 'take your time did you' which DDD replied, 'A masterpiece takes time, do you think Michaelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel quickly just for a chance at the International Roast?'
You would think 15 would be enough to secure the 6 pack, maybe even 20..... the Dog did not stop there and piled on an impressive margin of 24 (25-1) But the crulest twist of fate was yet to come for a night that will go down in the Dog Record books, 24 would not be enough and it was the Fud Puckers who with 28 took the pale ale.
Dogslow Votes
3 - LOL easily the best lead off batter of any side
2 - Andy Zee, had a nice litte patch in the middle to snuff out the oppositions hopes of a score
1 - DDD (only because Davy Mac bowled 2 with the wrong bias)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Dawn of a New Dog - 29/10/2008
Off field issues continued to hamper the decimated Dog outfit. With Andy Zee out with a torn pectoral and Davy Mac yet to pull on the Dog Jersey this season, it was left to LOL to steady the wayward Dog ship. 2 places in the lineup to fill, it was a difficult time for the selectors, and not knowing what structure the opposition would field, the Dead Dogs took 3 possible substitutes to fill the 2 vacant places. DDD Senior, Granny Glen and Ring in Ranga were all fighting for the honour of pulling on the Baggy Brown. In a late move before the trade window closed, Pirate Pip, thought to broadside the Dog ship, with a firm but fair offer for Granny glen to slide into the all lady line up, opposing the Dog Arch nemesis 'The Bowls Bags'. In what turned out to be a route, that move would pay dearly for the Bowls Bags as for the first time in living memory, they sucumb to an all lady line up, going down the the inspired Ladies of Leisure!
The decision made for the dog on the selection front, only more fuel was added to the dog fire, as the opposition knowingly turned up with 3 players, and thus gaining an advantage disliked by the Dog. Failing to jump from the starting gate the Dog fell behind by 3 on the first end, not coming within a firm spit of the kitty. Another 1 down on the second and the Dog felt this would be another night of horror and misfortune. 4 ends in and the Dog could not find its legs, and holding a 2 shot lead thanks to the Ranga, and with DDD Jr left to bowl, the dogs thought to peg back the start they had given the opposition. Driving was the opposing captain best shot and straight into the pack, the dogs failing to leave any bowls long, was exposed and the team of 3 had 4 markers with 1 bowl remaining. DDD Jr shinned his bowl with a carful caress, soft and subtle in an attempt to persuade it to hold off the 4 shots, but too close to the side gutter, DDD could not get his last shinny black bowl to come back into play, so the Dog went further behind, and looked down and out.
There are moments in history that will forever be looked apon as miracles of human endevour, when against insurmountable odds, something stirs within the fabric of a team, and they dig deep within themselves to find their inner Dog. 2004 saw a battled club, raise their hand one last time against their all time foe. 3-0 down in a best of 7 series, no club in history had come back to win from such a defecite..... let alone to do it against the most successful club in baseball history. Down by 1 and in the bottom of the 9th, the Boston Red Sox, had a belief, on that day they found their inner Dog.................... Last night few were witness to an even bigger feat against greater odds. The Dog all but dead, down by 9 at the 5th end found its fight, and the more you provoked it, the more th Dog fought for its life.
10-1 in the top of the 6th. Every team has a rock, a player who when down and out is at their most dangerous.... for the Dog its Lead Off Linda. Seeing defeat in the eyes of her skipper, she sought to rally the Dog and once again asked for some stiring words. Looking at the scorecard, and seeing the slim but attainable chance the Dog had, DDD Jr took some of the hope that sprung from the heart of LOL and delivered a stiring speach, worthy of a gerneal leading his troops into battle for the last time. DDD asked his team for more attack early, wanting preassure from the first bowl of each end......... and he got it. LOL laid down a withering hail of attack, and the Dog got itself on the scorecard. What happened next even the believers could not fathom. A down and out dog, looking more like road kill than any form of 4 legged animal...... unable to tell its arse from its head at times, found the fight it had lacked. Maybe it was shock or it could have been a release of methane, but the look on the faces of the 3 player opposition changed when the Dogs chalked up 5 in the 7th and said..... I WILL NOT GO OUT LIKE THIS, I WILL NOT DIE TONIGHT!
10-7, and enough ends to get any convict excited after a long time at sea, the dog thought to place its name at the head of the list of the 15 greatest comebacks of all time. With DDD snr and Ring in Ranga showing late form, the Dogs bludgeoned the opposition back to level pegging and with 3 ends to go, delivered a telling blow, with another end of a 5. The route almost complete, the last 2 ends were nothing more than a formality and the Dogs had placed themselves at the top of a illustrious list of teams able to defy the odds and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
Worth mention has to go to the Dogs 2 debutants, who while a little off early, were crucial in the fight back and victory.
Raffle results saw nothing go the way of the Dog, but they were all but content with the stunning come from behind victory.
Dogs Best
LOL - always the stalwart, inspiring and at times devistating
DDD snr - hot and cold, he needs to learn the pecking order of the Dog, the Skippers decision is final!!
Ring in Relly the Ranga - slow start but blinding finish with 4 scoring bowls in the last 3 ends
DDD Jr - hey we won, I dont care!
The decision made for the dog on the selection front, only more fuel was added to the dog fire, as the opposition knowingly turned up with 3 players, and thus gaining an advantage disliked by the Dog. Failing to jump from the starting gate the Dog fell behind by 3 on the first end, not coming within a firm spit of the kitty. Another 1 down on the second and the Dog felt this would be another night of horror and misfortune. 4 ends in and the Dog could not find its legs, and holding a 2 shot lead thanks to the Ranga, and with DDD Jr left to bowl, the dogs thought to peg back the start they had given the opposition. Driving was the opposing captain best shot and straight into the pack, the dogs failing to leave any bowls long, was exposed and the team of 3 had 4 markers with 1 bowl remaining. DDD Jr shinned his bowl with a carful caress, soft and subtle in an attempt to persuade it to hold off the 4 shots, but too close to the side gutter, DDD could not get his last shinny black bowl to come back into play, so the Dog went further behind, and looked down and out.
There are moments in history that will forever be looked apon as miracles of human endevour, when against insurmountable odds, something stirs within the fabric of a team, and they dig deep within themselves to find their inner Dog. 2004 saw a battled club, raise their hand one last time against their all time foe. 3-0 down in a best of 7 series, no club in history had come back to win from such a defecite..... let alone to do it against the most successful club in baseball history. Down by 1 and in the bottom of the 9th, the Boston Red Sox, had a belief, on that day they found their inner Dog.................... Last night few were witness to an even bigger feat against greater odds. The Dog all but dead, down by 9 at the 5th end found its fight, and the more you provoked it, the more th Dog fought for its life.
10-1 in the top of the 6th. Every team has a rock, a player who when down and out is at their most dangerous.... for the Dog its Lead Off Linda. Seeing defeat in the eyes of her skipper, she sought to rally the Dog and once again asked for some stiring words. Looking at the scorecard, and seeing the slim but attainable chance the Dog had, DDD Jr took some of the hope that sprung from the heart of LOL and delivered a stiring speach, worthy of a gerneal leading his troops into battle for the last time. DDD asked his team for more attack early, wanting preassure from the first bowl of each end......... and he got it. LOL laid down a withering hail of attack, and the Dog got itself on the scorecard. What happened next even the believers could not fathom. A down and out dog, looking more like road kill than any form of 4 legged animal...... unable to tell its arse from its head at times, found the fight it had lacked. Maybe it was shock or it could have been a release of methane, but the look on the faces of the 3 player opposition changed when the Dogs chalked up 5 in the 7th and said..... I WILL NOT GO OUT LIKE THIS, I WILL NOT DIE TONIGHT!
10-7, and enough ends to get any convict excited after a long time at sea, the dog thought to place its name at the head of the list of the 15 greatest comebacks of all time. With DDD snr and Ring in Ranga showing late form, the Dogs bludgeoned the opposition back to level pegging and with 3 ends to go, delivered a telling blow, with another end of a 5. The route almost complete, the last 2 ends were nothing more than a formality and the Dogs had placed themselves at the top of a illustrious list of teams able to defy the odds and snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
Worth mention has to go to the Dogs 2 debutants, who while a little off early, were crucial in the fight back and victory.
Raffle results saw nothing go the way of the Dog, but they were all but content with the stunning come from behind victory.
Dogs Best
LOL - always the stalwart, inspiring and at times devistating
DDD snr - hot and cold, he needs to learn the pecking order of the Dog, the Skippers decision is final!!
Ring in Relly the Ranga - slow start but blinding finish with 4 scoring bowls in the last 3 ends
DDD Jr - hey we won, I dont care!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Dogs Divide
In a tumultuous off season, the Dogs had many club house issues to keep them occupied whilst preparing for Season 2008/09. With the Coup all but confirmed with the departure of Ace von Bertouch to the sweaty smelly north, Dead Dog Dandy was left to repair what shards were left, of the broken Dog crown. Trusty Lieutenant Linda, always the stalwart in the leadoff hitting spot, arrived at the season opener with determination on her face and a steady hand on her bowls. With the absence of Davy 'Mac' Mckirdy, and the late arrival of Andy Zee, the Dogs did not have the experience to counter the early thrust of the opposition, and fell behind with some bowls that shared the same description as Ace von Bertouch's rear end...... Loose!
The ring-in assistance of Bullet tooth Tony, didn't add the necessary aggression required of a Dog, so until the timely arrival of Andy Zee, it was the dynamic duo of Dead Dog Dandy and Leadoff Linda to hold the foes at bay. Out numbered but not out classed, LOL and DDD, managed to minimise the early damage, but still struggled to secure their first end for the year, and were down by 5 at the end of the 3rd. LOL put down another consistent end in the 4th and this time her skill was rewarded with the first score of the year, and a standing ovation from the 1 strong crowd (Im not sure if he was looking at rink 3 or rink 4). 5-1 down and not much fight to be had until the arrival of Andy Zee, the Dogs as always, had their backs to the wall, usually because Ace was walking around in a sarong and pitching a tent at the same time, but last night it was for another reason. As boredom arrived and DDD hit his drinking/playing weight of 1.5 beers, the Dogs look to be buried, 11-3 and no sign of putting 2 ends together, LOL asked the skip for some stirring words. Those words while not encouraging (we need a miracle), sparked something in the heart of the Dogs, and with 4 ends to play, the new looks Dog outfit began to fight and bring respect back to their name. Sporting red jocks on the outside of his jeans, in honour of the departed Tickets Parkin, DDD dug some luck out of a few dead ends and helped claw the dogs back to 11-7 coming into the final end. With Andy Zee and LOL fronting up and accountable on the last end, DDD was left to perform enough miracles to raise him into Sainthood and the dogs to the first victory of the season. As the gully breeze lightly blew over the turf with uneasiness, like a virgin going down for the first time, DDD stepped up and delivered his big shinny black bowls with confidence in an attempt to penetrate a tight end, to no avail, the dogs had left their run 1 end too late. 11-9 but a respectable scoreline, the dogs were left wandering if this was yet another season they would let the championship slip with early mistakes and not enough sausages.
Raffle report N/A
Votes
LOL when on target the Dogs won the end, pressure being the key
DDD Good luck or good management, does not matter, it was not enough
Andy Zee found it hard to step into the game at midpoint, but when hi found his mark was quite damaging
Bullet Tooth Tony - Useless!!
The ring-in assistance of Bullet tooth Tony, didn't add the necessary aggression required of a Dog, so until the timely arrival of Andy Zee, it was the dynamic duo of Dead Dog Dandy and Leadoff Linda to hold the foes at bay. Out numbered but not out classed, LOL and DDD, managed to minimise the early damage, but still struggled to secure their first end for the year, and were down by 5 at the end of the 3rd. LOL put down another consistent end in the 4th and this time her skill was rewarded with the first score of the year, and a standing ovation from the 1 strong crowd (Im not sure if he was looking at rink 3 or rink 4). 5-1 down and not much fight to be had until the arrival of Andy Zee, the Dogs as always, had their backs to the wall, usually because Ace was walking around in a sarong and pitching a tent at the same time, but last night it was for another reason. As boredom arrived and DDD hit his drinking/playing weight of 1.5 beers, the Dogs look to be buried, 11-3 and no sign of putting 2 ends together, LOL asked the skip for some stirring words. Those words while not encouraging (we need a miracle), sparked something in the heart of the Dogs, and with 4 ends to play, the new looks Dog outfit began to fight and bring respect back to their name. Sporting red jocks on the outside of his jeans, in honour of the departed Tickets Parkin, DDD dug some luck out of a few dead ends and helped claw the dogs back to 11-7 coming into the final end. With Andy Zee and LOL fronting up and accountable on the last end, DDD was left to perform enough miracles to raise him into Sainthood and the dogs to the first victory of the season. As the gully breeze lightly blew over the turf with uneasiness, like a virgin going down for the first time, DDD stepped up and delivered his big shinny black bowls with confidence in an attempt to penetrate a tight end, to no avail, the dogs had left their run 1 end too late. 11-9 but a respectable scoreline, the dogs were left wandering if this was yet another season they would let the championship slip with early mistakes and not enough sausages.
Raffle report N/A
Votes
LOL when on target the Dogs won the end, pressure being the key
DDD Good luck or good management, does not matter, it was not enough
Andy Zee found it hard to step into the game at midpoint, but when hi found his mark was quite damaging
Bullet Tooth Tony - Useless!!
Birth of the Dead Dog Blog
Yes its time the Dog became digital, and now they have, in the ever changing world of bowls, the need of the Dog is all things cyber and thus is born, the Dead Dog Blog!
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