DEAD DOGS DELIVER 3 DEC 08

It was with heavy heart that Andy Zee and LOL fronted the green at Hawthorn. Out of a possible 8 contenders, only 2 could take up the challenge for the dogs. Injury once again had been our enemy. DDD’s groin injury has been persistent, and reconstruction surgery has been offered.

LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.

Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.

We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.

After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.

From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.

LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.

The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.

However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.

At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.

Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.

The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.

There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.


FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.

Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.

Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.

True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.

The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities

The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.

As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.

It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.