One week after the humiliating loss to their most hated rivals, the Dog looked to change their fortunes and so without consulting the selectors, DDD Jr axed the 2 dead weight bowlers from the previous week, and in slotted GG (Granny Glenda) and Davy Mac. Back from a stint in the Bahamas, Davy Mac, was sporting some dreadlocks and smelt of a possibly illicit substance. With the side looking stronger, DDD Jr thought they would have a good showing, but after 3 ends the dog could not buy a bowl within a Bahama Shlong of the kitty. (incidently its illegal to have a Bahama Shlong within 2 miles of any feline) DDD Jr had some close calls but the opposition Skip was his match. Enter the 4 end. As was the custom the opposition gave the Dogs the Mat and GG layed down a good length end that showed promise, then with 2 bowls bracketing the kitty within 1 foot, and had the dogs looking strong. Davy Mac, added to this total with a well placed back marker but a more important 3 bowl. After DDD Sr had finished, the not so worthy foes could do nothing but wander how their lead had been decimated in 1 end. 4-4 after 4 and the dogs could feel their lucky spot getting itchy. The lightest spinkle of rain began to fall and the dogs decided they would try and take the lead into the 6th hoping for a rain out. The 5th started and after 1 and 2 had gone, the dogs looked in disarray, they had nothing close and worst of all they were down 4 and DDD Sr was up. His first bowl was promising, looking to nestle into the bunch of their foes bowls on the back hand but too firm a grip, and he sailed wide and a touch long. The adjustment was ordered, and DDD Sr saw fit to listen to his Skip, but instead of bowling with less weight, he scratched is 'Bowls' and then put his next shot on rink 17 (we were rink 16) So once again, as has become a common theme for the dog, DDD Jr, with the weight of a million universes and maybe even a diluded bowls career of his own on his soulders, had to do the impossible. Reminisent of the night he first consumated his relationship with Ace von Bertouch, DDD Jr had to squeeze an unlikely sized bowl through a tight gap, that might just hurt someones feelings, but sqeeze he did. DDD Jr found a hole where possibly there was none and with a flacid flop lay his big black bowl down next to the goal...... Dogs claim 1. This was the end for the opponent, the dogs full of fight the 6th end was a rout and 3 shots soon saw the dogs look the goods for the evening. But last week held firm in the mind of the dog, and while up after 6 they went down in 12, which was not to happy thought and one which motivated the Dog to make sure they claimed the victory. Pitter Patter and the heavens opened, down came the rain and the wet but happy dog slunk into the clubhouse, happy with the win, but more so that they could come home early and write the report.
Honours list
GG - Filled the large shoes of LOL well, but not enough to worry the Seasoned opener when she returns from being on loan to Real Bowlsabad.
Davy Mac - good signs, had some positive ends.
DDD Sr - very consistant (consistantly about 2m away)
DDD Jr - stoked with the win!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Dead Dog Disgrace - 18/11/09
Earlier -Ring Ring- - Ring Ring- where the Fuck is the team?
DDD Sr and Jr fronted up to an empty green and 2 dogs down. So with sadness at a long night ahead DDD Jr went and recruited 2 rookies, and rookies they were. Tony a nice man but a useless bowler was to be the number 2 and another friendly face filled the 1 position, but Radar Ray had his radar set to bermuda, and the fucking objective is to get your bowls close the kitty on the green..... well fuck me if DDD sr stepped up at 3, with no Dogs bowls in play 3 ends in a row. So with mother love, DDD Jr, hoisted the Dog onto his muscular shoulders and began to carry them. The first 3 ends DDD Jr step up 2-4 shots down and each time convert this deficit to chalk up point for the dog. DDD started his own picket fence of 1's on the board, not bothering to see what his fellow teammates were doing he simply kept on trudging, sometimes through traffic thicker than the hair on his arse, but the fence kept going, and by the half way mark he had the dogs 5-2 up and looking for howl. This is where most people would switch off their TV's. With 1 and 2 for the dogs deciding they would have a contest of who could get the furthest from the kitty, and DDD Sr having a brain explosion, the dogs left 5-6 with the skip to clean up. The words that emanated from his mouth were, fuck it you retards (no offense to people with disabilities or special needs, in fact I think they would have bowled better) and DDD put 2 in the ditch to teach his apprentices a lesson... not sure what the lesson was, but 5 down in 1 end and the Hurculean efforts of DDD Jr could not help a team better suited to Shot Put. So the night took its turn for the worse and a second team of Teachers from a infamous school started to whoop and yell like they actually could afford to send their kids to that prestigious school.... not Fucking likely. So with a third beer I sit here wandering if I bother write anymore, the dogs were down and not amount of carrying could claw back mule hanging over a cliff when its first 2 legs dont even know they are attached to the mule.
Honorable mention
DDD Sr - for bowling it the wrong way on the 1 end we needed something close
DDD Jr - for not shooting the rest of the team
DDD Sr and Jr fronted up to an empty green and 2 dogs down. So with sadness at a long night ahead DDD Jr went and recruited 2 rookies, and rookies they were. Tony a nice man but a useless bowler was to be the number 2 and another friendly face filled the 1 position, but Radar Ray had his radar set to bermuda, and the fucking objective is to get your bowls close the kitty on the green..... well fuck me if DDD sr stepped up at 3, with no Dogs bowls in play 3 ends in a row. So with mother love, DDD Jr, hoisted the Dog onto his muscular shoulders and began to carry them. The first 3 ends DDD Jr step up 2-4 shots down and each time convert this deficit to chalk up point for the dog. DDD started his own picket fence of 1's on the board, not bothering to see what his fellow teammates were doing he simply kept on trudging, sometimes through traffic thicker than the hair on his arse, but the fence kept going, and by the half way mark he had the dogs 5-2 up and looking for howl. This is where most people would switch off their TV's. With 1 and 2 for the dogs deciding they would have a contest of who could get the furthest from the kitty, and DDD Sr having a brain explosion, the dogs left 5-6 with the skip to clean up. The words that emanated from his mouth were, fuck it you retards (no offense to people with disabilities or special needs, in fact I think they would have bowled better) and DDD put 2 in the ditch to teach his apprentices a lesson... not sure what the lesson was, but 5 down in 1 end and the Hurculean efforts of DDD Jr could not help a team better suited to Shot Put. So the night took its turn for the worse and a second team of Teachers from a infamous school started to whoop and yell like they actually could afford to send their kids to that prestigious school.... not Fucking likely. So with a third beer I sit here wandering if I bother write anymore, the dogs were down and not amount of carrying could claw back mule hanging over a cliff when its first 2 legs dont even know they are attached to the mule.
Honorable mention
DDD Sr - for bowling it the wrong way on the 1 end we needed something close
DDD Jr - for not shooting the rest of the team
Dead Dog Dilly Dally - 11/11/09
In a season of little to be proud of the Dog fronted up for a match against a hated foe.... the Teachers from a unnamed school, had come back and in greater numbers, but this was not going to deter the beaten dog. A new look side ambled out onto the park, JTW* (see footnote below) a ring in, and The Hooded Finch, stepping out for the first time since retiring, and a valued extra it turned out. DDD Sr and Jr made up the numbers. The game started with an eb a flow battle but some quick thinking bowls from the Hooded Finch held the opposition at bay, and with 6 end gone the dog had taken a commanding lead. JTW a guy you dont want to play against but one you quite happily play with (annoying) was starting to get under the other teams skin, and the 1 pennant player they had felt the need to tell him that he should not be directing me.... as skipper...... so out came the sheep stations. The other skip was also a bit unnerved, feeling his powers of subduing kids at a primary school would work on DDD Jr, but this folly was met with gutteral tones of laughter "does he (JTW) need to come down here each end?" opposition skip said, "you can tell him not to if you like, but I think he is just excited and wants to kiss you" DDD replied. And so this cat and mouse game of niggle comments continued, but on the scoreboard is where it counts and the Dogs delivered on this account. Apparently the other 2 players for the Social Heirachy did not have tongues, or they were deft mutes as not a tone could be heard coming from them as the game went on...... whispering sounds instead, which sounded as intelligent as leaves on a tree. So it was that this persisted and with 2 ends to play the dogs started to slide. Up by 6 the dogs gave 2 away on the penultimate end to leave the door slightly ajar. As the last hint of light fell below the horizon, and the stillness of the air settled in for the night, DDD JR stepped up to the mat. Last to roll, on an end that saw the Hooded Finch fail to round out an otherwise spectacular night, and DDD Sr less than exciting. DDD looked down the other end. In his hand he held the last bowl, the Dogs were up by 4 but their snidey opposition held 4 on this last end.... so with the faint echo of meatloaf coming from the 1920s audio system, DDD bowled. As it cruised down the green the width looked good, but this had never been a problem for the skipper,his whole life his width was always good. The bowl took a turn at dog corner, and headed for home. A Whoop! erupted for JTW and DDD sr's lips as the bowl came to rest drawing shot and firmly placing their middle finger up at the less than moral opposition. With a smug smile DDD turned and shook the hand of the opposition Skip and if the conversation their eyes had, could be told in words, it would have been. "Lucky shot you little shit" the opposition skip would have said, only to get a reply of "Lucky? Lucky is your wrinkly old bowls ever getting close to the goal again you midget Santa!". and so the Dog walked off a winner.
Best
Hooded Finch - quality all night
DDD Sr - no bowls with the wrong bias
DDD Jr - always there to claim the glory.... might have been just 1 good bowl for the night, but it was the one and mattered
*Footnote: JTW from BBoys, is lets say, a colourful character. Never short of a comment when the game is close and does yell out from time to time when there is a good shot played by his side. He is a tallish man who chooses to support Movember all year round. The Albino caterpillar seen resting from the sun on his upper lip has been known to yell comments of its own when his excitement grows beyond bored!
But when you have a player like this on your side, like any good builder you always use the tools on hand and the largest tool was JTW.
DDD started the way he finished the week before, shot after shot taking the kitty in somewhat of a dance around the other bowls, always being the closest, toying with potential suiters but never to stray to far to let them in. If there ever was a question of the size of DDD Jr's shoulders, then tonight was the night.
Best
Hooded Finch - quality all night
DDD Sr - no bowls with the wrong bias
DDD Jr - always there to claim the glory.... might have been just 1 good bowl for the night, but it was the one and mattered
*Footnote: JTW from BBoys, is lets say, a colourful character. Never short of a comment when the game is close and does yell out from time to time when there is a good shot played by his side. He is a tallish man who chooses to support Movember all year round. The Albino caterpillar seen resting from the sun on his upper lip has been known to yell comments of its own when his excitement grows beyond bored!
But when you have a player like this on your side, like any good builder you always use the tools on hand and the largest tool was JTW.
DDD started the way he finished the week before, shot after shot taking the kitty in somewhat of a dance around the other bowls, always being the closest, toying with potential suiters but never to stray to far to let them in. If there ever was a question of the size of DDD Jr's shoulders, then tonight was the night.
Friday, October 30, 2009
dead dog-gone
On a night of firsts, it was the virginity of the opponent that was to take the fore. Like any virgin, they were eager to learn, full of enthusiasm, and utterly useless at handling the bowls. The dogs were looking like forfeiting, with LOL out with a persistent hamstring, which might see her side linded buy the side in order to gain match fitness after the pre-season comp and ready for the Premiership season. DDD and DDD Snr both fronted up on time, but the virgin of the dogs side, 'Dogs Date number 8', unable to arrive until 5 min in and 1 end down, created mayhem in the club rooms and the dogs were rattled by the constant shuffling....
NB. Dogs Date Number 8, was an 11th hour trade before the trade window closed, thursday night. this fearsome south paw was the perfect fit for the side. In his arsenal, a sinking slider, often seen at Norman Reserve on a sunday, deceiving any who dared to stand at the plate. This talent was spotted by DDD, who straight away on hearing the news that Davy Mac would miss the first 3 games due to off field suspension, snapped him up and completed the quad.
...3 on the board early the virgins searched for the groove that would give them the most pleasure, they struck back as DD No. 8, and Andy slotted into their respective spots, taking away the handy 4 bowls that DDD & DDD Snr, were taking. At the half way mark, the dogs had the virgins panting for air, but with a few well placed bowls of their own, the prom night was not going to be such a one sided affair, and dog would have to take pleasure from whatever position they were in.
As the huffing and panting came to a close, it seamed that both sides were partially satisfied with the nights exercise, at 9-9, but also looking for that ultimate climax to take away and cherish. The dog hit first, wanting to drive home their rough bowls to the winning end, but it was the final end that saw both sides come away with a sense of loss. 1 up and turning to finish off, the dog was on top, pounding home its advantage, until the last bowl came to rest at a loose end. This somewhat stray shot, for a skipper who could not find a needle in a stack of needles, gave the encounter an even end. So with mixed feelings of remorse and violation, the players cleaned themselves up, it was the virgins insecurity that made them feel inadequate, but the Dogs could take something away from the game, they had taken from the virgins what they wanted and left them with a sour taste in their mouths.
NB. Dogs Date Number 8, was an 11th hour trade before the trade window closed, thursday night. this fearsome south paw was the perfect fit for the side. In his arsenal, a sinking slider, often seen at Norman Reserve on a sunday, deceiving any who dared to stand at the plate. This talent was spotted by DDD, who straight away on hearing the news that Davy Mac would miss the first 3 games due to off field suspension, snapped him up and completed the quad.
...3 on the board early the virgins searched for the groove that would give them the most pleasure, they struck back as DD No. 8, and Andy slotted into their respective spots, taking away the handy 4 bowls that DDD & DDD Snr, were taking. At the half way mark, the dogs had the virgins panting for air, but with a few well placed bowls of their own, the prom night was not going to be such a one sided affair, and dog would have to take pleasure from whatever position they were in.
As the huffing and panting came to a close, it seamed that both sides were partially satisfied with the nights exercise, at 9-9, but also looking for that ultimate climax to take away and cherish. The dog hit first, wanting to drive home their rough bowls to the winning end, but it was the final end that saw both sides come away with a sense of loss. 1 up and turning to finish off, the dog was on top, pounding home its advantage, until the last bowl came to rest at a loose end. This somewhat stray shot, for a skipper who could not find a needle in a stack of needles, gave the encounter an even end. So with mixed feelings of remorse and violation, the players cleaned themselves up, it was the virgins insecurity that made them feel inadequate, but the Dogs could take something away from the game, they had taken from the virgins what they wanted and left them with a sour taste in their mouths.
Monday, March 30, 2009
DEAD DOGS DESPERATE AND DATELESS. – 25th March 2009
Another glorious mild Autumn evening with the night sky darkening quickly, and an air of excitement as your Dead Dog’s team fronted up for the final outing of the season. DDD took to the green early, eager to dispel any rumours of falling prey to bad habits. He was joined promptly by LOL and D-Mac and our team would have been complete, but for the 6.00pm text from Andy Zee striking train problems.
We had an exuberant warm-up, but the minutes ticked over, while the main action started on the surrounding rinks. To our immediate east, the match of the night was in progress – a show down, between the winners of the Tuesday night competition, and the winners of the Wednesday night competition, the Burglars.
DDD was immediately on to the organisers, but indeed this was to be the story of the night – a no-show from our opponents, who had obviously heard of the prowess of the Dead Dog’s team. We could not believe this was to be the finale of the season – ending with a whimper, not a bang.
DDD was decidedly disconsolate – it was obvious for all to see: the edgy pacing of the green, the restless gaze, the twitching right arm – all signs of an addict in need of a fix. It will be no surprise to others who know that young man that he took off in the direction of the other rinks to hawk his body to the highest bidder, to feed the craving inside.
He got lucky with a team called the Bridesmaids, short of a player. They had been looking for a man for a while – all season in fact, and it was a moot point whether they actually found one. Reports suggest he fitted seamlessly into the side, the hair-do, the sweet, swaggering walk, the frou-frou dress etc.
I would like to take up a breach of rules at this point with the DD team management – no documents signed, or transfer fees exchanged on the night. Allegations have been made of “Fine Cotton” ring-in. This sort of behaviour will only bring this team into disrepute!
Meanwhile, D-Mac and LOL were left to play against the Ghosts of Bowlers Past, and to say we vaporised the opposition was an obvious understatement: the perfect shots that we were going to play all season suddenly materialised, but no satisfaction could be gained from this performance.
By this time we were extremely worried by the non-appearance of Andy Zee. Text messages were exchanged with a guarantee that he was on his way - “would there still be a game on?” We didn’t have the heart to tell him “yes, but not on our rink”. D-Mac and LOL stopped for a three-quarter-time drink at 8.45 and AZ appeared out of the darkness. He had walked all the way from Salisbury – NOW THAT’S COMMITMENT!
Too late to start over with a friendly, we called the night quits and headed in for the supper, and the luck of the raffle table. DDD made a guest appearance at this stage, but with the edge taken off his hunger, he hurried on to “business” commitments. A likely story.
A fistful of tickets, and on the penultimate draw, our table struck luck. Andy Zee went forward to take the prize, a choice between the Sausage Rolls, or the International Roast. Unfortunately the Sausage Rolls were not made of bean curds and lentils, and it was with dubious pride he returned to the table with the most fitting trophy to end the Dead Dogs season.
Obviously, a fight broke out as to who would take this worthy prize home. D-Mac was sure the coffee would not find favour with his good lady, and AZ still had an unopened tin at home, while LOL swore she wouldn’t touch the stuff. It was then remembered that there was a little Orphan Boy in Melbourne, down on his luck, who would give his right arm for such a prize.
So there you go, Roscoe, – the Ashes of the 2008-2009 are heading your way.
(hang the food miles – I’ll plant a tree)
We had an exuberant warm-up, but the minutes ticked over, while the main action started on the surrounding rinks. To our immediate east, the match of the night was in progress – a show down, between the winners of the Tuesday night competition, and the winners of the Wednesday night competition, the Burglars.
DDD was immediately on to the organisers, but indeed this was to be the story of the night – a no-show from our opponents, who had obviously heard of the prowess of the Dead Dog’s team. We could not believe this was to be the finale of the season – ending with a whimper, not a bang.
DDD was decidedly disconsolate – it was obvious for all to see: the edgy pacing of the green, the restless gaze, the twitching right arm – all signs of an addict in need of a fix. It will be no surprise to others who know that young man that he took off in the direction of the other rinks to hawk his body to the highest bidder, to feed the craving inside.
He got lucky with a team called the Bridesmaids, short of a player. They had been looking for a man for a while – all season in fact, and it was a moot point whether they actually found one. Reports suggest he fitted seamlessly into the side, the hair-do, the sweet, swaggering walk, the frou-frou dress etc.
I would like to take up a breach of rules at this point with the DD team management – no documents signed, or transfer fees exchanged on the night. Allegations have been made of “Fine Cotton” ring-in. This sort of behaviour will only bring this team into disrepute!
Meanwhile, D-Mac and LOL were left to play against the Ghosts of Bowlers Past, and to say we vaporised the opposition was an obvious understatement: the perfect shots that we were going to play all season suddenly materialised, but no satisfaction could be gained from this performance.
By this time we were extremely worried by the non-appearance of Andy Zee. Text messages were exchanged with a guarantee that he was on his way - “would there still be a game on?” We didn’t have the heart to tell him “yes, but not on our rink”. D-Mac and LOL stopped for a three-quarter-time drink at 8.45 and AZ appeared out of the darkness. He had walked all the way from Salisbury – NOW THAT’S COMMITMENT!
Too late to start over with a friendly, we called the night quits and headed in for the supper, and the luck of the raffle table. DDD made a guest appearance at this stage, but with the edge taken off his hunger, he hurried on to “business” commitments. A likely story.
A fistful of tickets, and on the penultimate draw, our table struck luck. Andy Zee went forward to take the prize, a choice between the Sausage Rolls, or the International Roast. Unfortunately the Sausage Rolls were not made of bean curds and lentils, and it was with dubious pride he returned to the table with the most fitting trophy to end the Dead Dogs season.
Obviously, a fight broke out as to who would take this worthy prize home. D-Mac was sure the coffee would not find favour with his good lady, and AZ still had an unopened tin at home, while LOL swore she wouldn’t touch the stuff. It was then remembered that there was a little Orphan Boy in Melbourne, down on his luck, who would give his right arm for such a prize.
So there you go, Roscoe, – the Ashes of the 2008-2009 are heading your way.
(hang the food miles – I’ll plant a tree)
Monday, March 23, 2009
DEAD DOGS DIABOLICAL – 18TH MARCH 2009
After a flying visit from a member of the Northern Dogs, and success in our last outing, your team entered the penultimate game of the 2008/09 season with a quiet air of confidence. DDD again scratched himself, and many rumours are now circulating about match-fitness, particularly in view of his confessions of a certain doping scandal. We acknowledge his form at the recent ProAm competition, but realise the stress of fronting up to the greens on a Monday for a 9.00am start must have snapped the slender thread linking him with reality, and we can only wish him a speedy recovery.
It’s a shame to see a promising career cut short in its prime, particularly in view of the World Bowls Championship which hits Adelaide between 24 Nov and 9 December 2012. This is an event that is sure to make Adelaide rock, displacing that pissant car race held last weekend not to mention those arts-farts events on which this city has built a questionable reputation.
Despite our lengthy playing list, no replacement member was available to fill the gap, and a team of 3 took up the challenge. LOL and D-Mac were selected to take the 3 bowls, with skipper Andy Zee to keep the pack tidy from the other end.
Our opposing number were keen to take to the green, and our first win of the night was the toss of the coin. Our opposition skipper had spent the afternoon in the arms of his Muse, Terpsichore – the Greek Goddess of dance, music, free spirits, and, as it happens, Lawn Bowls. His teammates persisted in calling him by another name, but he would be better known by the soubriquet “Terps”.
This was a tightly contested game, with Andy Zee sneaking through the pack to take the first end. Our opponents, through their third and fourth player, came back strongly in the second to take 3 shots, and again in the 3rd end to take a 4 – 1 lead. Despite constant banter from the opposition chorus, Andy Zee again acquitted himself well, and by the 5th, it was a 4-all draw.
At this point, you may me questioning where the bloody hell was D-Mac and LOL, and like Lawrence Springborg, I can’t give a satisfactory answer. Time and again, Kitty was tickled and cajoled, and promises exchanged, only for the wanton creature to succumb to the advances of their number three, who left the field clear for his skipper, bowling with the wides, to make a arcing line in to take shot. Despite the obvious handicaps, the blighter could bowl.
Andy Zee bowled above himself (and below) to keep your DD team in contention, as our score card shows, leaving us still in with a chance at the final end, while the greens were emptying for the pizza feast inside.
However this game was not to be ours, and as our opposition disappeared into the night, along with D-Mac, LOL and Andy Zee were the sole representatives of the match to front the raffle table. Again we were denied – not so much as a whiff of the International Roast, despite a large note being thrown on the table.
FOOTNOTE: “Ace” VonB on his recent visit to Adelaide showed great form in adapting to the high standard of the revitalised Dead Dog team. Unfortunately, you will never know his starring role, as his paperwork has disappeared into the swirling dust of the Never Never land – lost forever.
It’s a shame to see a promising career cut short in its prime, particularly in view of the World Bowls Championship which hits Adelaide between 24 Nov and 9 December 2012. This is an event that is sure to make Adelaide rock, displacing that pissant car race held last weekend not to mention those arts-farts events on which this city has built a questionable reputation.
Despite our lengthy playing list, no replacement member was available to fill the gap, and a team of 3 took up the challenge. LOL and D-Mac were selected to take the 3 bowls, with skipper Andy Zee to keep the pack tidy from the other end.
Our opposing number were keen to take to the green, and our first win of the night was the toss of the coin. Our opposition skipper had spent the afternoon in the arms of his Muse, Terpsichore – the Greek Goddess of dance, music, free spirits, and, as it happens, Lawn Bowls. His teammates persisted in calling him by another name, but he would be better known by the soubriquet “Terps”.
This was a tightly contested game, with Andy Zee sneaking through the pack to take the first end. Our opponents, through their third and fourth player, came back strongly in the second to take 3 shots, and again in the 3rd end to take a 4 – 1 lead. Despite constant banter from the opposition chorus, Andy Zee again acquitted himself well, and by the 5th, it was a 4-all draw.
At this point, you may me questioning where the bloody hell was D-Mac and LOL, and like Lawrence Springborg, I can’t give a satisfactory answer. Time and again, Kitty was tickled and cajoled, and promises exchanged, only for the wanton creature to succumb to the advances of their number three, who left the field clear for his skipper, bowling with the wides, to make a arcing line in to take shot. Despite the obvious handicaps, the blighter could bowl.
Andy Zee bowled above himself (and below) to keep your DD team in contention, as our score card shows, leaving us still in with a chance at the final end, while the greens were emptying for the pizza feast inside.
However this game was not to be ours, and as our opposition disappeared into the night, along with D-Mac, LOL and Andy Zee were the sole representatives of the match to front the raffle table. Again we were denied – not so much as a whiff of the International Roast, despite a large note being thrown on the table.
FOOTNOTE: “Ace” VonB on his recent visit to Adelaide showed great form in adapting to the high standard of the revitalised Dead Dog team. Unfortunately, you will never know his starring role, as his paperwork has disappeared into the swirling dust of the Never Never land – lost forever.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Dead Dog Drowns Dreams - (Pro Am Monday)
On day of 28° when the trees were all still,
the Dogs were in bed, up for no reason, Nil.
One dog hopped up, with a smile on his face,
he strutted on down to the local bowls place.
Entered he had, into the local bowls comp,
and $2000 he could win with roll and a romp.
Pitted with 3 other bowlers alike,
DDD was on for the fight of his life.
Four games in all, till the finals did start,
Four games to bowl, till he could release a fart.
Game one was a tidy affair on the green,
Four old bowlers meet DDD, they were keen.
The ends completed fast, like virgin in bed,
the ends were all won, except 1 by the Dog Dead.
On to the next game with one in the belt,
DDD had a feeling unlike others he had felt.
Game two was, a quick fast and speedy affair,
the motley bunch of bowlers could taste success in the air.
2 games down DDD could count on 1 hand,
the number of games left for his rang tag band.
Games of 2 were the order for luncheon break,
DDD needed one more win, for the finals to make.
Bowl like the howl of the wind in the air,
bowl shouted the fans to encourage the pair.
end by end the two inch, even closer, and closer,
end by end the two got, more cocky like posers!
After 9 ends were played the bowls were all count,
and the team of DDD, a finals run they could mount!
Last game of the round robin, the team was to fight,
they drew the last game, this sis effect the plight.
Into the finals the team of four went,
Into the finals ranked second, were sent.
First game of finals the team of four stood,
against another team from the local Bowls Hood!
Hawthorn v Hawthorn, and fight till the death,
4 ends only, a knockout was left.
Down early went the DDD, his aim was awry,
now the only thing left was to fight, claw and cry.
4 ends goes quick and with 1 left to play,
the team was left, 2 bowls astray.
On the last end the bowlers of DDD's team fought,
3 was needed to salvage a win of a sort.
but only 2 bowls were left close to the kitty,
DDD was left to rue missed opportunity, a pity.
In the event of a draw, 1 bowl for each side,
T to T this was the only way to decide.
Lead bowler from each of the fighting last teams,
and DDD was the first from his team so it seams.
2nd to bowl the first bowler was close,
DDD needed something within 7 pieces of toast.
with the wind in the air, a gallery full of stares,
DDD delivery a bowl, to pay for his fares.
Out the hand and onto the pristine bowls green,
the bowls was close, the result to be seen.
Alas for the Dog, this was not his day,
the bowl scooted past into the gutter, out of play.
and so the team finished with hung heads and sorrow,
to come back next year to fight on the morrow!
the Dogs were in bed, up for no reason, Nil.
One dog hopped up, with a smile on his face,
he strutted on down to the local bowls place.
Entered he had, into the local bowls comp,
and $2000 he could win with roll and a romp.
Pitted with 3 other bowlers alike,
DDD was on for the fight of his life.
Four games in all, till the finals did start,
Four games to bowl, till he could release a fart.
Game one was a tidy affair on the green,
Four old bowlers meet DDD, they were keen.
The ends completed fast, like virgin in bed,
the ends were all won, except 1 by the Dog Dead.
On to the next game with one in the belt,
DDD had a feeling unlike others he had felt.
Game two was, a quick fast and speedy affair,
the motley bunch of bowlers could taste success in the air.
2 games down DDD could count on 1 hand,
the number of games left for his rang tag band.
Games of 2 were the order for luncheon break,
DDD needed one more win, for the finals to make.
Bowl like the howl of the wind in the air,
bowl shouted the fans to encourage the pair.
end by end the two inch, even closer, and closer,
end by end the two got, more cocky like posers!
After 9 ends were played the bowls were all count,
and the team of DDD, a finals run they could mount!
Last game of the round robin, the team was to fight,
they drew the last game, this sis effect the plight.
Into the finals the team of four went,
Into the finals ranked second, were sent.
First game of finals the team of four stood,
against another team from the local Bowls Hood!
Hawthorn v Hawthorn, and fight till the death,
4 ends only, a knockout was left.
Down early went the DDD, his aim was awry,
now the only thing left was to fight, claw and cry.
4 ends goes quick and with 1 left to play,
the team was left, 2 bowls astray.
On the last end the bowlers of DDD's team fought,
3 was needed to salvage a win of a sort.
but only 2 bowls were left close to the kitty,
DDD was left to rue missed opportunity, a pity.
In the event of a draw, 1 bowl for each side,
T to T this was the only way to decide.
Lead bowler from each of the fighting last teams,
and DDD was the first from his team so it seams.
2nd to bowl the first bowler was close,
DDD needed something within 7 pieces of toast.
with the wind in the air, a gallery full of stares,
DDD delivery a bowl, to pay for his fares.
Out the hand and onto the pristine bowls green,
the bowls was close, the result to be seen.
Alas for the Dog, this was not his day,
the bowl scooted past into the gutter, out of play.
and so the team finished with hung heads and sorrow,
to come back next year to fight on the morrow!
Monday, March 9, 2009
DEAD DOGS DREAMING – 4 March 2009
DDD was an early scratching from this week’s game – a more important event on the Adelaide Cup weekend saw him in the trainer’s hands yet again, with talks of an overuse injury threatening his future career. It was DDD senior who was given the opportunity to replace him in the team.
At this point, Andy Zee was suffering conniptions as he looked into the future and he saw it was grey, and the prospect of getting some order from 3 senior members filled him with dismay. It was therefore with mixed feelings that he took the call from D-Mac who also ruled himself unfit for the night.
A ring around to the Dynamic Duo saw Magic Mike eager to assist with Tracy content to play a support act, so our foursome was complete.
There was concern in the opening gambits that the other team was prepared to play dirty, when LOL showing some form in the warm up was offered the Double Scotch. This lady was not for turning, as she knew that to appear squiffy would seriously undermine the confidence of her fellow teammates.
The same could not be said for the opposition, who approached the social side of the game with some savoir-faire, appearing with the wine tray, the glasses and the bottle of red. This did not translate well in to their on field performance – if they were not “Aarrgh” at the beginning of the game they certainly were at the end!
Yes, Dear Reader, your team has done it again, and for the accountants amongst up minded, I again lay before you a beautiful set of numbers.
You may be wondering how this motley crew did it, considering the inexperience of some of the members, and in all honesty – it wasn’t pretty.
The win on the toss saw us unprepared, and we lay down on the first 3 ends like a pack of Dead Dogs.
Andy Zee did his best by being absent from his post for the first half of the game – the networking, the trip to the bar, the food – all claimed his attention, and considering our early performance, who could blame him? Then something clicked – it could have been the right knee of the Replacement Senior Member (RSM), or maybe the rosy glow of the bottle of red had taken its toll on our worthy opposition. Perhaps their skipper was just jacked off at having to buy his own pints – the camaraderie was all down the other end: but then the turn around with 4 bowls outclassing their best.
This stung them into action, responding with a 3, but as it turned out, this was the high point of their game.
For the out-of-towners, Adelaide had taken a bucketing during the week (OK just the 1 bucket – enough for us all to have a decent wash). This was a mild evening with the green showing some inconsistency in taking the bias.
We bowled long, we bowled short, and we bowled wide, but we always outclassed them - just. They did have their chances though. At the eighth, we were 3 down with a close pack of enemy bowls around kitty. Andy Zee’s first delivery saw him weave a tight line through the defences, but a metre well short. The opposition skipper, sensing an exposed jugular came in from the other side to leave his bowl in contention. AZ’s last delivery was so unexpected that the rest of the team did not realise what had happened: following the line of his first, he cunningly gave it enough biff and at the right angle to cannonball through and cosy up to kitty giving us the end.
We cheered – they didn’t. They were already into hangover territory.
LOL made a late entry into the game from a very ordinary start, and was able to assist her teammates in wiping up the last few ends.
Magic Mike having been given the whisper earlier that it was lawn bowls we were playing, not marbles, wisely chose something more substantial to get his hands around. This together with encouragement from his entourage gave him success on several ends when the going was tough for us.
The RSM led the charge back into the game at the 4th and gave a solid performance all evening.
Magic Mike again proved lucky with the raffle, taking home the street directory, but there was a protest call on the night, with allegations of rigging when 1 table cleared up 4 prizes.
NOTE OF WARNING: Andy Zee has left DDD in an invidious position by withdrawing from the weekend Pro-Am competition and folking off to Port Fairy.
Rumours of an impending alliance with a member of The Bowls Bags, has shocked the Dead Dogs team to the core. We may be a mongrel breed, but there are some unspoken boundaries beyond which a DD will not go!
At this point, Andy Zee was suffering conniptions as he looked into the future and he saw it was grey, and the prospect of getting some order from 3 senior members filled him with dismay. It was therefore with mixed feelings that he took the call from D-Mac who also ruled himself unfit for the night.
A ring around to the Dynamic Duo saw Magic Mike eager to assist with Tracy content to play a support act, so our foursome was complete.
There was concern in the opening gambits that the other team was prepared to play dirty, when LOL showing some form in the warm up was offered the Double Scotch. This lady was not for turning, as she knew that to appear squiffy would seriously undermine the confidence of her fellow teammates.
The same could not be said for the opposition, who approached the social side of the game with some savoir-faire, appearing with the wine tray, the glasses and the bottle of red. This did not translate well in to their on field performance – if they were not “Aarrgh” at the beginning of the game they certainly were at the end!
Yes, Dear Reader, your team has done it again, and for the accountants amongst up minded, I again lay before you a beautiful set of numbers.
You may be wondering how this motley crew did it, considering the inexperience of some of the members, and in all honesty – it wasn’t pretty.
The win on the toss saw us unprepared, and we lay down on the first 3 ends like a pack of Dead Dogs.
Andy Zee did his best by being absent from his post for the first half of the game – the networking, the trip to the bar, the food – all claimed his attention, and considering our early performance, who could blame him? Then something clicked – it could have been the right knee of the Replacement Senior Member (RSM), or maybe the rosy glow of the bottle of red had taken its toll on our worthy opposition. Perhaps their skipper was just jacked off at having to buy his own pints – the camaraderie was all down the other end: but then the turn around with 4 bowls outclassing their best.
This stung them into action, responding with a 3, but as it turned out, this was the high point of their game.
For the out-of-towners, Adelaide had taken a bucketing during the week (OK just the 1 bucket – enough for us all to have a decent wash). This was a mild evening with the green showing some inconsistency in taking the bias.
We bowled long, we bowled short, and we bowled wide, but we always outclassed them - just. They did have their chances though. At the eighth, we were 3 down with a close pack of enemy bowls around kitty. Andy Zee’s first delivery saw him weave a tight line through the defences, but a metre well short. The opposition skipper, sensing an exposed jugular came in from the other side to leave his bowl in contention. AZ’s last delivery was so unexpected that the rest of the team did not realise what had happened: following the line of his first, he cunningly gave it enough biff and at the right angle to cannonball through and cosy up to kitty giving us the end.
We cheered – they didn’t. They were already into hangover territory.
LOL made a late entry into the game from a very ordinary start, and was able to assist her teammates in wiping up the last few ends.
Magic Mike having been given the whisper earlier that it was lawn bowls we were playing, not marbles, wisely chose something more substantial to get his hands around. This together with encouragement from his entourage gave him success on several ends when the going was tough for us.
The RSM led the charge back into the game at the 4th and gave a solid performance all evening.
Magic Mike again proved lucky with the raffle, taking home the street directory, but there was a protest call on the night, with allegations of rigging when 1 table cleared up 4 prizes.
NOTE OF WARNING: Andy Zee has left DDD in an invidious position by withdrawing from the weekend Pro-Am competition and folking off to Port Fairy.
Rumours of an impending alliance with a member of The Bowls Bags, has shocked the Dead Dogs team to the core. We may be a mongrel breed, but there are some unspoken boundaries beyond which a DD will not go!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Dead Dogs Doping Scandal - 18th Feb 2009
A revitalised team, saw the Dead dogs head to the 2nd half of the season and a possible date with destiny. DDD back from his Walk about Tour of Oz, he looked like a new man on the green and showed no sign of the time away, with some early pressure shots to help keep the Dogs around the mark. The starting lineup returned to its famous 4-4-2 structure, and with that a certain air of confidence saw the dog puff its chest and fight for gold. A 4 shot 2nd end hurt the dogs early and with tit for tat bowling all night this 4 shots seamed a lot to overcome. DDD slowly going to sleep with the Grandpa Simpson like commentry from his counterpart skipper, DDD did not see the need to comment on the quality of every bowl, but Abe thought it best to highlight back in his day he use to bowl with an onion on his belt which was the fashion at the time. By the 8th end it had been a tighter affair than the entire english scrum fitting through a fish's date in a vice, and so DDD called on LOL, Davy Mac and Andy Zee to finish the game on a high. LOL threw down some early pressure, and Andy Zee was good when he chose to ignore the ridiculous directions from DDD, but it was Davy Mac with some top draw bowling that saw the dog edge closer to their geriatric foes and the excitable 3rd bowler...... who called for a measure on more occasions than Hugh Hefner at a photo shoot. It was not to be the Dogs night, was it DDD hitting his bowling weight of 1.5 beers at the 2nd end or just that fact the the starting rotation did not have the cohesiveness with players spending time in rehab. So at the final siren, it was the Dogs, 6 to the Ade Simpsons blue rinse brigade 11.
True to bowling form, the Dogs did not get a scrap from the raffle and left with hung heads and heavy hearts.
Best
Honorable mention to Davy Mac for 2 exceptional bowls on the night getting within a cocktail weiner of the kitty on at least 2 occasions, including his last bowl of the night.
Other News saw the dogs infamous leader reported to have an image leaked to the public of him with his mouth on what appeared to be a 'Bong', News of the World broke the story and DDD has already seen several sponsors pull his funding including Adult shop.com and Mo's Jelly wrestling Tavern, reported to be worth a staggering 100M over 5 years.
Score card to follow, as LOL did take a full report of the evening.
True to bowling form, the Dogs did not get a scrap from the raffle and left with hung heads and heavy hearts.
Best
Honorable mention to Davy Mac for 2 exceptional bowls on the night getting within a cocktail weiner of the kitty on at least 2 occasions, including his last bowl of the night.
Other News saw the dogs infamous leader reported to have an image leaked to the public of him with his mouth on what appeared to be a 'Bong', News of the World broke the story and DDD has already seen several sponsors pull his funding including Adult shop.com and Mo's Jelly wrestling Tavern, reported to be worth a staggering 100M over 5 years.
Score card to follow, as LOL did take a full report of the evening.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Dead Dogs Dilemma - 11 February 2009
This is a team that always goes to extremes, and this Wednesday was no exception with not 2, not 4 but 5 contenders vying to flaunt the colours for the Dead Dogs side.
Andy Zee, still suffering from an ingrown toenail, demurred to the dynamic duo from the north eastern suburbs to take a run alongside LOL and D-Mac. Emerging Businesswoman, Tracy – had an earlier outing with the team, and partner Michael was an eager debutante for the side, having had a previous brief encounter with the game in his youth.
Without the services of an experienced Skipper, (DDD had taken the Walkabout Tour) and no obvious contenders, it was a chance to pass the buck, with D-Mac taking up the number 1 position, ahead of Michael, followed by EB, and the reluctant LOL bringing up the rear. This was certainly going to be a challenging night!
Our opposition was a foursome of experienced players – the Flower Pots whom we had met on previous occasions. The game started well for us, winning the toss on a cool Adelaide night. Heatwave conditions of the previous 2 weeks had abated, and we were all reaching early for the “woollies”. (For those in other climates, this is a garment to keep warm).
D-Mac, with the extra responsibility of placing the kitty was convincing in his early deliveries. In Michael’s hands the number 3 bowl looked like a soft toy that had been left behind from a child’s birthday party, and he was caught between playing too soft or too hard. EB had an established reputation for intimidating the kitty, and tonight was no exception.
Little did the dynamic duo realise that Andy Zee was walking with Kryptonite in his back pocket in an attempt to harness their exceptional powers. They may well have thought he was trying to engage in small talk, or perhaps offer a coaching tip, but in reality his position was to determine the length of their delivery. This was an unorthodox approach to teamwork and met with mixed success!
Linda’s early attempts to emulate some of the trick shots of her predecessors and tiptoe in between the other bowls and come snugly up against kitty paid off. Our team took an early lead, and at the sixth end, the opposition was forced to take a long hard look at themselves. This proved to be our downfall, and we should have adopted a similar approach, but call it inexperience, call it bad luck (or call it a hangover from the previous week) our team could not regroup and fight off a determined challenge, going down 16 – 9.
The proceeds of the raffle on this night were to go to the Victorian bushfire appeal, and over $500 was raised, with Andy Zee scoring the honey, which he was happy to pass on to the dynamic duo, with more mouths to feed in that household.
As a footnote there was a team on the night that established a Hawthorn record of some 47 shots to 2. I struggle to believe it, but if George said so, it must be right. I think that winning team was called “The Bowls Bags” – they may have taken the money on this occasion, but the competition is still open following a round of upsets.
The Dead Dogs are in with a chance!
Andy Zee, still suffering from an ingrown toenail, demurred to the dynamic duo from the north eastern suburbs to take a run alongside LOL and D-Mac. Emerging Businesswoman, Tracy – had an earlier outing with the team, and partner Michael was an eager debutante for the side, having had a previous brief encounter with the game in his youth.
Without the services of an experienced Skipper, (DDD had taken the Walkabout Tour) and no obvious contenders, it was a chance to pass the buck, with D-Mac taking up the number 1 position, ahead of Michael, followed by EB, and the reluctant LOL bringing up the rear. This was certainly going to be a challenging night!
Our opposition was a foursome of experienced players – the Flower Pots whom we had met on previous occasions. The game started well for us, winning the toss on a cool Adelaide night. Heatwave conditions of the previous 2 weeks had abated, and we were all reaching early for the “woollies”. (For those in other climates, this is a garment to keep warm).
D-Mac, with the extra responsibility of placing the kitty was convincing in his early deliveries. In Michael’s hands the number 3 bowl looked like a soft toy that had been left behind from a child’s birthday party, and he was caught between playing too soft or too hard. EB had an established reputation for intimidating the kitty, and tonight was no exception.
Little did the dynamic duo realise that Andy Zee was walking with Kryptonite in his back pocket in an attempt to harness their exceptional powers. They may well have thought he was trying to engage in small talk, or perhaps offer a coaching tip, but in reality his position was to determine the length of their delivery. This was an unorthodox approach to teamwork and met with mixed success!
Linda’s early attempts to emulate some of the trick shots of her predecessors and tiptoe in between the other bowls and come snugly up against kitty paid off. Our team took an early lead, and at the sixth end, the opposition was forced to take a long hard look at themselves. This proved to be our downfall, and we should have adopted a similar approach, but call it inexperience, call it bad luck (or call it a hangover from the previous week) our team could not regroup and fight off a determined challenge, going down 16 – 9.
The proceeds of the raffle on this night were to go to the Victorian bushfire appeal, and over $500 was raised, with Andy Zee scoring the honey, which he was happy to pass on to the dynamic duo, with more mouths to feed in that household.
As a footnote there was a team on the night that established a Hawthorn record of some 47 shots to 2. I struggle to believe it, but if George said so, it must be right. I think that winning team was called “The Bowls Bags” – they may have taken the money on this occasion, but the competition is still open following a round of upsets.
The Dead Dogs are in with a chance!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
DEAD DOGS DEATH-WALK – 4 February 2009
Injury again had taken its toll of the Dead Dogs plucky team. DDD had been advised to take a complete break in an effort to return to full health, and had taken the waters in WA. Andy Zee was also out of action, thus wiping out the junior elite members of the squad, and so it was with an air of trepidation that LOL fronted up to the Hawthorn Greens.
Another stinker of a day, in this long running heat spell experienced by Adelaide residents, and no sign of gully breezes to ease the anguish of the tattered remnant of the Dead Dogs team. Despair almost overtook the LOL when marching up to rink 11, she found the male duo from “Biased” carelessly sharpening up their bowls, displaying a confident touch in their preliminary warm up. (Boo, Hiss)
Fortuitously, she had earlier fell upon the mercies of George (no small act), and he delivered not one, but a brace of willing recruits to augment the Dead Dogs Lineup. LOL’s warm-up yielded no promise, and D-Mac was blissfully unaware of the building tension when he shimmied up to the rink as last man to throw his hat in.
Under such trying conditions LOL offered the 3rd and 4th place to the incoming recruits, trying to keep some stability in the team, and knowing that D-Mac and LOL were not sufficiently “blooded” to step into the shoes of previous luminary skippers in the DD line-up. Memories of Tickets Parkin, Ace VB, and even Andy Zee crowded her mind, as did the recent return to form of DDD.
Alongside us the leering forms of “Stuffed if I know” loomed large in the wilderness, an acute reminder of defeat and humiliation. There was honour at stake, and if we were going to go down, we would go down fighting!!
It was a revolution, a rout (rhymes with doubt), a rollover, a rollicking – and we won!!
The opposition was well and truly routed – and it felt gooooood!!
I have great delight in tabling for the pleasure of fellow Dead Doggers the score card for the night.
After winning the toss, and losing the first 2 ends, you may have thought if was all over, Red Rover, But Fee
playing at No 3 stared down the oppositions, and took the first point away from them. Surprise turned to alarm from the “Biased” team, when 3 of our number took the 4th end convincingly. Nothing they could throw at us stopped the steady inch forward – we were happy to win by 1’s and 2’s, holding them scoreless for 5 ends in the middle section. With the absence of the hockey mistress to stiffen their resolve, a chasm opened up before the opposition, while we stayed flint-hearted and relentless.
The lead player had an outstanding night with the kitty, placing it exactly where she wanted it – medium to short distance, allowing her fellows to capitalise on the consistent length. Those rare moments when the opposition scored the white ball, and played long, we were there to match them.
LOL had wisely chosen for D-Mac the ecologically sound Green Frog bowls, and this proved the right talisman for him on the night. A previous outing at Rink 11 had seen him unerringly find the Dead Man’s Grave on the western boundary, but no such demons haunted his outing on this occasion, resulting in his most consistent performance to date.
The new recruits to the Dead Dogs team were outstanding, but the significant factor of the night was the lack of form from the opposition. Obviously a week into the college school year had left them severely challenged – mere pussycats to the Dead Dogs Machine.
In defeat, Biased were gracious – either that or totally shattered, at their first loss for the season, however they managed to exchange pleasantries were over pizza. (Reference to AA notwithstanding)
We didn’t jig the raffle, but who cares – we won, we won, we won.
“This is the sweetest victory of them all”.
Another stinker of a day, in this long running heat spell experienced by Adelaide residents, and no sign of gully breezes to ease the anguish of the tattered remnant of the Dead Dogs team. Despair almost overtook the LOL when marching up to rink 11, she found the male duo from “Biased” carelessly sharpening up their bowls, displaying a confident touch in their preliminary warm up. (Boo, Hiss)
Fortuitously, she had earlier fell upon the mercies of George (no small act), and he delivered not one, but a brace of willing recruits to augment the Dead Dogs Lineup. LOL’s warm-up yielded no promise, and D-Mac was blissfully unaware of the building tension when he shimmied up to the rink as last man to throw his hat in.
Under such trying conditions LOL offered the 3rd and 4th place to the incoming recruits, trying to keep some stability in the team, and knowing that D-Mac and LOL were not sufficiently “blooded” to step into the shoes of previous luminary skippers in the DD line-up. Memories of Tickets Parkin, Ace VB, and even Andy Zee crowded her mind, as did the recent return to form of DDD.
Alongside us the leering forms of “Stuffed if I know” loomed large in the wilderness, an acute reminder of defeat and humiliation. There was honour at stake, and if we were going to go down, we would go down fighting!!
It was a revolution, a rout (rhymes with doubt), a rollover, a rollicking – and we won!!
The opposition was well and truly routed – and it felt gooooood!!
I have great delight in tabling for the pleasure of fellow Dead Doggers the score card for the night.
After winning the toss, and losing the first 2 ends, you may have thought if was all over, Red Rover, But Fee
playing at No 3 stared down the oppositions, and took the first point away from them. Surprise turned to alarm from the “Biased” team, when 3 of our number took the 4th end convincingly. Nothing they could throw at us stopped the steady inch forward – we were happy to win by 1’s and 2’s, holding them scoreless for 5 ends in the middle section. With the absence of the hockey mistress to stiffen their resolve, a chasm opened up before the opposition, while we stayed flint-hearted and relentless.
The lead player had an outstanding night with the kitty, placing it exactly where she wanted it – medium to short distance, allowing her fellows to capitalise on the consistent length. Those rare moments when the opposition scored the white ball, and played long, we were there to match them.
LOL had wisely chosen for D-Mac the ecologically sound Green Frog bowls, and this proved the right talisman for him on the night. A previous outing at Rink 11 had seen him unerringly find the Dead Man’s Grave on the western boundary, but no such demons haunted his outing on this occasion, resulting in his most consistent performance to date.
The new recruits to the Dead Dogs team were outstanding, but the significant factor of the night was the lack of form from the opposition. Obviously a week into the college school year had left them severely challenged – mere pussycats to the Dead Dogs Machine.
In defeat, Biased were gracious – either that or totally shattered, at their first loss for the season, however they managed to exchange pleasantries were over pizza. (Reference to AA notwithstanding)
We didn’t jig the raffle, but who cares – we won, we won, we won.
“This is the sweetest victory of them all”.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
With 2 weeks so contrasting the dogs being from the lowest valley to the highest peak, no more words are needed for the first hit out than, Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (25-1) And with a loss so demoralising for the dogs no words came to mind to help illustrate the week that was the darkest day for the dog. So it was to the week of 28/1/09, and the Dogs had another opponent, someone new to test their mental will power, some new team for the dogs to take out their anguish and pain on. With the solid 4 of Andy Zee, LOL, Davey Mac and DDD, the Dogs thought that it was time to return to a familiar friend. DDD decided to take out the grasshoppers, like a long lost friend the reunion was quick and reaffirming of their love for each other, DDD running his hands smoothly over their surface and in response, a warmth radiated from the Grasshoppers. And with a half hour warm up, DDD did not leave anything to chance, choosing to start the game at his bowling weight of 1.5 drinks. This and revitalised Dog outfit proved to be the difference in the game. When DDD was down, Andy Zee stepped up, When LOL was a bit astray, Davey Mac promoted her bowls. As cohesive as beer and a Darwin local, the dogs took to the green, made quick work of the lesser opponent, and headed to the bar. All dogs made the score sheet, and once again almost had their opponent Pants down...... But as a contrast to last week, the Dogs thought 14-2 a fair win in a game that saw them win all but 2 ends.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dead Dogs Draw - 14/1/09
Season 2009 saw a fit and healthy outfit take the green for the Dead Dogs, Davy Mac back in action after minor surgery was performed over the break to fix his bowlers elbow. Andy Zee and LOL also ready for action, the break a timely one, for both parties. As the team took the green, DDD was keen to take the helm and with the opposition of the last game for 2008 as their 2009 opponent, revenge was there to be extracted by the Dog.
Early on the Dog looked to be bent over taking the full force of the 'Dont touch my Balls' attack. 6-1 down after 5 and the Dogs thought that an early slip in the season could be the difference between glory and alcoholism. Trying to set an example for his team DDD had reportedly chosen to play sober and while most think this a smart move, DDD unable to reach his 1.5 drink, bowling weight, was as close to pointless as a Vegan at a BBQ.
DDD's decision was reported to be for religious reasons, but none the less, the weight of the team shifted to Andy Zee as he sought to steady the ship. More than Half of the scoring bowls for the dog were from the hand of Andy Zee and such and influence would prove vital, as at the other end DDD, drunk on lack of drink (if thats possible) was making terrible directions, was it not for Andy's self confidence, the Dogs might have gone down by too much too early to be able to mount a comeback...... and mount a comeback they did!
On the 2nd last end with 4 bowls to go, the dogs had 1 up but were down by 3 for the night, and looking like falling out of contention once again by tripping on the first hurdle of 2009. But cometh the moment, cometh the man...... it might have been a waft of a coppers pale ale from rink 16 that did it, or just the touch of a red wine glass as DDD went to pick up his non-alcoholic refreshment before the final bowl of the end, but something changed, and the struggling skipper, extracted something from his dismal night to take the end from a +1 to a +4 and put the Dogs into the lead for the first time in the night. The final end saw the Pennant player for 'Dont touch my bowls' lay down 2 very good early markers and the pressure was on from the start. The Dogs unable to get close and the game looked to be over, the night chill enough of a distraction to the Dog for them to finish quick and move inside, but the man of steel, Andy Zee did not think so, and with a salvaging bowl put the only Dog bowl amongst the cluster of opposition scorers to place the dog down by 1. The skippers walked to the top of rink 17, both happy with such a social game but also each equally keen to take the glory by adding 1 scorer to the scatter of bowls. As both skippers had done all night, neither proved to have an influence on the game, so 1 down for the end and a final score of 11-11, the Dead Dogs, salvaged a Draw from what early on looked to be a woeful night.
Best
Andy Zee head and shoulders above his team mates 10 votes
Linda had some really good ends 2 votes
Davy Mac also consistant 1 vote
DDD - utterly useless!!! -10 votes (that will make it hard to take the MVP this season)
Early on the Dog looked to be bent over taking the full force of the 'Dont touch my Balls' attack. 6-1 down after 5 and the Dogs thought that an early slip in the season could be the difference between glory and alcoholism. Trying to set an example for his team DDD had reportedly chosen to play sober and while most think this a smart move, DDD unable to reach his 1.5 drink, bowling weight, was as close to pointless as a Vegan at a BBQ.
DDD's decision was reported to be for religious reasons, but none the less, the weight of the team shifted to Andy Zee as he sought to steady the ship. More than Half of the scoring bowls for the dog were from the hand of Andy Zee and such and influence would prove vital, as at the other end DDD, drunk on lack of drink (if thats possible) was making terrible directions, was it not for Andy's self confidence, the Dogs might have gone down by too much too early to be able to mount a comeback...... and mount a comeback they did!
On the 2nd last end with 4 bowls to go, the dogs had 1 up but were down by 3 for the night, and looking like falling out of contention once again by tripping on the first hurdle of 2009. But cometh the moment, cometh the man...... it might have been a waft of a coppers pale ale from rink 16 that did it, or just the touch of a red wine glass as DDD went to pick up his non-alcoholic refreshment before the final bowl of the end, but something changed, and the struggling skipper, extracted something from his dismal night to take the end from a +1 to a +4 and put the Dogs into the lead for the first time in the night. The final end saw the Pennant player for 'Dont touch my bowls' lay down 2 very good early markers and the pressure was on from the start. The Dogs unable to get close and the game looked to be over, the night chill enough of a distraction to the Dog for them to finish quick and move inside, but the man of steel, Andy Zee did not think so, and with a salvaging bowl put the only Dog bowl amongst the cluster of opposition scorers to place the dog down by 1. The skippers walked to the top of rink 17, both happy with such a social game but also each equally keen to take the glory by adding 1 scorer to the scatter of bowls. As both skippers had done all night, neither proved to have an influence on the game, so 1 down for the end and a final score of 11-11, the Dead Dogs, salvaged a Draw from what early on looked to be a woeful night.
Best
Andy Zee head and shoulders above his team mates 10 votes
Linda had some really good ends 2 votes
Davy Mac also consistant 1 vote
DDD - utterly useless!!! -10 votes (that will make it hard to take the MVP this season)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
DDD Duel - 10/12/08
You would have been forgiven for thinking you were seeing double at the hawthorn bowls club on the last windy Wednesday evening. A gully breeze sought to blow harder than a fat kid on his first birthday, eager to enjoy the reward below his candles.
As members of the Dogs stepped up to rink 19, there was a mute hush as not 1, but 2 DDDs strolled onto the green in unison. It looked like a clone had been made of the Dead Dogs long lost skipper..... Had the doctors mistaken his groin operation for something more dark and sinister. Two DDDs on 1 green...... but as the crowd looked closer, they could see that while almost as well built as the Dogs skipper, the shadow who mirrored his every move, was slightly folicly challenged, and had the look of the Dogs skipper 30 years from now. Snr vs Jr, the match was pitted as a grudge match, when earlier in the day, the Dogs looking to fill the 4th spot in their rotation were told their club was not fit for the likes of DDD snr, and thus he was playing for a team known only at Pure Momentum.
Well DDD Jr had news for his older more gravity challenged mirror..... the Dog does not take No from No one.... and like a Chuck Norris inspired fight scene, ripped his shirt off to show glistening muscle beneath his David Hasslehoff chest hair. 'WAKE UP CAMPBELL' ........ 'what!' DDD Jr had fallen asleep before the game, and only onlookers could speculate as to the dream he was having, with his T shirt ripped off and muttering ...... 'The Big Bang was just Chuck Norris doing a round house kick in Gods Face'
So with DDD Jr awake and ready for action, against the senior DDD, it would be a spiteful encounter, and only did the match reach its pinnacle, when DDD Snr revealed to DDD Jr that he was in fact his father! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The Grasshopper bowls being sidelined for some weeks, the Dogs sought a new friend to fill the void of club mascot, so the firemen were elected and the game started with a few easy ends. 2's being the order of the day, to Richie Benaud's delight, Pure Momentum could not shake the Dogs, so all of the scribbling was being done on the Dogs side of the score card. LOL as always the stout lead off bowler, happy to return to the number 1 position, put down some early pressure, and with Andy Zee next in the 3 dog line up, the quality was there for all to see.
Not much to be said for such a quality game, the Dogs put out all worrying blazes with their fire fighters leading the way. Most ends were close, but not quite close enough for the usurpers, so the Dog held somewhat of a training drill for the crowd and posted a total that would be a shot at the 6 pack.
Such ease the game was played with, on several occasions DDD spotted Andy Zee bowling opposite handed with his eyes closed. LOL taking a hint from this, decided to face the other way and cast her next few bowls over her head, landing them as always right on the kitty.
Such a large total DDD Jr could not remember the exact amount but over 20 and the opposition less then 2 more than 0 could only think they were out classed and out bowled on a blustery Wednesday night.
Entering the clubrooms last off the rink, the Dog thought the 6 pack in their grasp, but once again the mustache lead, self appointed upperclass of Biased by name and Bastards by nature, took home the 6 pack, only to select not one South Australian beer of the 6 they took home.......
other raffle wins went to various teams, but Pure Momentum had their night completed at they won a jar of pickled onions, and rightly so, because in this Dogs eyes, their game did stink!
Votes
3 - Andy Zee..... on fire, had trouble with the short ends, but bowled well when it mattered.
2 - LOL never a bowl out of place
1 - DDD, cos we only had 3 players, so I get 1 vote by default
honorable mention goes to Deric O, for a bowl that did not make it halfway down the rink, instead took a B-line for the side gutter and acted as our half way line.
As members of the Dogs stepped up to rink 19, there was a mute hush as not 1, but 2 DDDs strolled onto the green in unison. It looked like a clone had been made of the Dead Dogs long lost skipper..... Had the doctors mistaken his groin operation for something more dark and sinister. Two DDDs on 1 green...... but as the crowd looked closer, they could see that while almost as well built as the Dogs skipper, the shadow who mirrored his every move, was slightly folicly challenged, and had the look of the Dogs skipper 30 years from now. Snr vs Jr, the match was pitted as a grudge match, when earlier in the day, the Dogs looking to fill the 4th spot in their rotation were told their club was not fit for the likes of DDD snr, and thus he was playing for a team known only at Pure Momentum.
Well DDD Jr had news for his older more gravity challenged mirror..... the Dog does not take No from No one.... and like a Chuck Norris inspired fight scene, ripped his shirt off to show glistening muscle beneath his David Hasslehoff chest hair. 'WAKE UP CAMPBELL' ........ 'what!' DDD Jr had fallen asleep before the game, and only onlookers could speculate as to the dream he was having, with his T shirt ripped off and muttering ...... 'The Big Bang was just Chuck Norris doing a round house kick in Gods Face'
So with DDD Jr awake and ready for action, against the senior DDD, it would be a spiteful encounter, and only did the match reach its pinnacle, when DDD Snr revealed to DDD Jr that he was in fact his father! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The Grasshopper bowls being sidelined for some weeks, the Dogs sought a new friend to fill the void of club mascot, so the firemen were elected and the game started with a few easy ends. 2's being the order of the day, to Richie Benaud's delight, Pure Momentum could not shake the Dogs, so all of the scribbling was being done on the Dogs side of the score card. LOL as always the stout lead off bowler, happy to return to the number 1 position, put down some early pressure, and with Andy Zee next in the 3 dog line up, the quality was there for all to see.
Not much to be said for such a quality game, the Dogs put out all worrying blazes with their fire fighters leading the way. Most ends were close, but not quite close enough for the usurpers, so the Dog held somewhat of a training drill for the crowd and posted a total that would be a shot at the 6 pack.
Such ease the game was played with, on several occasions DDD spotted Andy Zee bowling opposite handed with his eyes closed. LOL taking a hint from this, decided to face the other way and cast her next few bowls over her head, landing them as always right on the kitty.
Such a large total DDD Jr could not remember the exact amount but over 20 and the opposition less then 2 more than 0 could only think they were out classed and out bowled on a blustery Wednesday night.
Entering the clubrooms last off the rink, the Dog thought the 6 pack in their grasp, but once again the mustache lead, self appointed upperclass of Biased by name and Bastards by nature, took home the 6 pack, only to select not one South Australian beer of the 6 they took home.......
other raffle wins went to various teams, but Pure Momentum had their night completed at they won a jar of pickled onions, and rightly so, because in this Dogs eyes, their game did stink!
Votes
3 - Andy Zee..... on fire, had trouble with the short ends, but bowled well when it mattered.
2 - LOL never a bowl out of place
1 - DDD, cos we only had 3 players, so I get 1 vote by default
honorable mention goes to Deric O, for a bowl that did not make it halfway down the rink, instead took a B-line for the side gutter and acted as our half way line.
DEAD DOGS DELIVER 3 DEC 08
It was with heavy heart that Andy Zee and LOL fronted the green at Hawthorn. Out of a possible 8 contenders, only 2 could take up the challenge for the dogs. Injury once again had been our enemy. DDD’s groin injury has been persistent, and reconstruction surgery has been offered.
LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.
Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.
We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.
After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.
From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.
LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.
The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.
However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.
At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.
Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.
The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.
There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.
FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.
Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.
Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.
True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.
The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities
The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.
As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.
It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.
LOL set off on the recruitment trail, and was volunteered a couple of ‘Nice Young Men’. As it happened NYM were also a couple of pennant players, and the evening began to take a more promising note. The rules of the game decreed that they could not be played at 3 or 4, so AZ was handed the poison chalice of Skipper, and LOL was to forced to relinquish her comfort zone, coming in at No. 3.
Our No 2, having already played during the day decided that the wide bowls Andy Zee had grabbed looked very tempting, a bit of a novelty, and they did a swap. There is no truth to the rumour that “Bowls maketh the Man”, but a quiet determination came over the Skipper, knowing the reputation of the Dogs was to be tested at this stage of the tournament.
We were playing against an experienced opposition of 4 blokes who showed skill and determination in their pre-game warm up.
After winning the toss, we lost the first end, and coming in to the second were 1 shot down, when Andy Zee, playing with the heavy No. 5’s, placed his first shot alongside kitty, to allow us to take the 2nd end.
From there on, it was all over, red rover for the MF team – the acronym does stand for something – let your imagination dwell.
LOL was disoriented at losing her front position – nothing really bad, and nothing really good. However she scored points on a stout display of hand-clapping.
The opposition, scoring another point, at the fifth, hoped to increase their score at the 6th end, when they were holding 4.
However Andy Zee must have been channeling ‘Tickets’ Parkin – “If you can think it – you can do it”, and drew a pearler to sit inside their 4 bowls. Their skipper was distraught, dismayed dejected and downcast, and an attempted drive failed to deliver anything their way.
At the 11th, the opposition scored their big win of the night, with 2 points.
Others may be thinking that our 2 ring-ins made the difference, but our No 2 who had been flaunting his skills with the wides, came undone at the 6th, when taking direction from both PDF and Ace Von Bertouch, delivered his bowl with the wrong bias, ending in lane 16.
The opposition could have been forgiven for calling foul, but at the end of the day the better team took home the bacon – or was that the tofu? Final score 14 – 4 – not good enough for the 6 pack, but good enough to set the dog tail wagging.
There were only 3 of us who sat down for the final event, with Andy Zee taking out the top prize, and eschewing the meat tray, picking up an environmentally correct bottle of Banrock Station red. Our number one also scored a late offering, picking up the Christmas shortbread, leading up to a well-rounded night.
FOOTNOTE:
AZ bowled above himself, and coincidentally, on the night, talent scouts were about. Baz Luhrmann, fresh from the launch of the epic ‘Australia’, was out
for a quiet summer night’s stroll.
Drawn to the activity at Hawthorn Bowls, he had an inspiration to create an epic around a bowls club – “Strictly Ball-room” is the working title, a struggle for Cinderella to break the glass slipper of a male dominated sport, burst free, and match it with the blokes.
Shooting will take place both in Darwin and Adelaide.
True to pantomime form, the two ugly step-sisters will be played by blokes, and there are no shortage of possible contenders. I understand that Ace Von Bertouch has some form in a sarong, and may wish to give new depth and meaning to the character.
The role of Cinders will be hard to cast – Baz will be looking for a determined, young and feisty female with an air of virginal naivete. A very tall ask indeed. I can’t think of a good match for those qualities
The lead male, will need to be a sort of a cross between Paul Mercurio and Hugh Jackman, light on his feet, calm in adversity etc etc.
As for the villains – any team of grumpy old men will do.
It’s all hush-hush at this stage, but names and numbers have been exchanged – as the say in the classics “Watch this Space”.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
NEW Dog on the Way!
With the dogs season hitting a mid season hiccup, DDD has sought to bring some inspiration back to the wounded Dog. In a press conference last night DDD announced that he and the Ring in Ranga, have a second Dead Dog junior on the way. This News has pushed the Dogs share price through the roof as shareholders pleased that the future of the Dog is all but secured.
DEAD DOGS DOLDRUMS – Nov 26
The dogs blooded a new member again this week, taking the playing group to 8 faces for the season thus far.
DDD elected to stay on the bench – a groin strain injury, while PDF had pulled a hammy. This left an opening for EB (emerging businesswoman) Tracy to take her place on the green, playing behind LOL, again as decoy, with D-Mac at no. 3, and Andy Zee, trying to hold the pack together as skip.
This was a tall order, our opposition being the dastardly foes, “Biased” by name, and “Bastard” by reputation, (otherwise known as The Molders of Future Adelaide Establishment (TMFAE)). They took a familiar arrogant stance on the green, daggers drawn, moustaches twirling – pity the male members were not similarly equipped.
Enough of the idle chitchat – you want to hear about the game.
It was a perfect night, the greens hard and fast, and a hint of moisture in the night air, which delivered nothing (there is a drought in Adelaide you know), and the wind a bare whisper, which failed to stir even the golden locks of our skipper.
We won the toss, which was a bad omen, and we were held scoreless until the 4th end, when the ladies demonstrated how to place the bowls, giving us 2.
This effort wiped the smirk off the faces of our opposition, and they attempted to “colonise” the dogs. They soon realised this was a pathetic effort as D-Mac was able to outscore them on academic points, and they turned their attention to settling the score on the green.
Despite the Grasshoppers being given an airing by the DD, they failed to work their magic. D-Mac had been handed a pair of number 13’s, which in hindsight, may have jinxed the night, playing on the 13th rink on the 26th November – Triskaidekaphobia was not in his wordbook. The opposition, playing with their own bowls (they would, wouldn’t they?) had better success on the night.
All 4 opposition members inflicted damage, despite some brilliant play by the dogs, which failed to deliver on the scoreboard. As you might expect, the dogs were instructed in the finer points of the game – its number 3 who does the measuring, number 2 ……etc. etc. We appreciated their efforts. However there was tension in the opposite side with their skipper on the night being a hasty fill-in for the late- arriving captain. “She is playing well isn’t she” was heard on more than one occasion, which makes for a promising cat-fight in the future.
EB gave a stellar performance on her opening to the season, always looking threatening, but the 3 regulars were lacklustre in performance with only a few bursts of dazzle and delight. Our most successful end was the 10th, when we manage to give them a left, right, and centre biff, scoring 3, but this run was too little too late, going down 19 – 6 at the final call.
The raffle yielded more luck, with LOL getting the numbers – a choice between the Pickled Onions, the International Roast, and a packet of appropriately named Devil’s Delight Mixed Nuts – with a Quiz Night looming on the Saturday night for EB and Andy Zee, it was a no-brainer.
An after-match de-brief with archenemies “The Bowls Bags” gave some comfort to our night. The Bags had faced our erstwhile opposition the previous week, and we take some Perverse Pleasure that Pip had Pipped our Scotch friends on the last bowl of the last end, to take out a tightly fought and aggressive game.
Note to DD Dandy - the Mystic Mauve Roosters were available last week, but following your write up of the previous match, no one was prepared to touch them!!!
DDD elected to stay on the bench – a groin strain injury, while PDF had pulled a hammy. This left an opening for EB (emerging businesswoman) Tracy to take her place on the green, playing behind LOL, again as decoy, with D-Mac at no. 3, and Andy Zee, trying to hold the pack together as skip.
This was a tall order, our opposition being the dastardly foes, “Biased” by name, and “Bastard” by reputation, (otherwise known as The Molders of Future Adelaide Establishment (TMFAE)). They took a familiar arrogant stance on the green, daggers drawn, moustaches twirling – pity the male members were not similarly equipped.
Enough of the idle chitchat – you want to hear about the game.
It was a perfect night, the greens hard and fast, and a hint of moisture in the night air, which delivered nothing (there is a drought in Adelaide you know), and the wind a bare whisper, which failed to stir even the golden locks of our skipper.
We won the toss, which was a bad omen, and we were held scoreless until the 4th end, when the ladies demonstrated how to place the bowls, giving us 2.
This effort wiped the smirk off the faces of our opposition, and they attempted to “colonise” the dogs. They soon realised this was a pathetic effort as D-Mac was able to outscore them on academic points, and they turned their attention to settling the score on the green.
Despite the Grasshoppers being given an airing by the DD, they failed to work their magic. D-Mac had been handed a pair of number 13’s, which in hindsight, may have jinxed the night, playing on the 13th rink on the 26th November – Triskaidekaphobia was not in his wordbook. The opposition, playing with their own bowls (they would, wouldn’t they?) had better success on the night.
All 4 opposition members inflicted damage, despite some brilliant play by the dogs, which failed to deliver on the scoreboard. As you might expect, the dogs were instructed in the finer points of the game – its number 3 who does the measuring, number 2 ……etc. etc. We appreciated their efforts. However there was tension in the opposite side with their skipper on the night being a hasty fill-in for the late- arriving captain. “She is playing well isn’t she” was heard on more than one occasion, which makes for a promising cat-fight in the future.
EB gave a stellar performance on her opening to the season, always looking threatening, but the 3 regulars were lacklustre in performance with only a few bursts of dazzle and delight. Our most successful end was the 10th, when we manage to give them a left, right, and centre biff, scoring 3, but this run was too little too late, going down 19 – 6 at the final call.
The raffle yielded more luck, with LOL getting the numbers – a choice between the Pickled Onions, the International Roast, and a packet of appropriately named Devil’s Delight Mixed Nuts – with a Quiz Night looming on the Saturday night for EB and Andy Zee, it was a no-brainer.
An after-match de-brief with archenemies “The Bowls Bags” gave some comfort to our night. The Bags had faced our erstwhile opposition the previous week, and we take some Perverse Pleasure that Pip had Pipped our Scotch friends on the last bowl of the last end, to take out a tightly fought and aggressive game.
Note to DD Dandy - the Mystic Mauve Roosters were available last week, but following your write up of the previous match, no one was prepared to touch them!!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Can a Dead Dog bite? 19/11/08
Well if last night was anything to go by, the answer is sadly no.
Up against a serious mom/pop/daughter trio plus a semi pro ring in skipper, the ironically named 'Hard Drives' (senior had his PC out of action and was delighted to have someone to talk tech with) offered little challenge early in the evening. The Dogs, comprising of staples LOL and Andy Zee, plus Davy Mac and Prodigal Dog Finch put in a steady first trimester - scoring 1 point on the first 4 ends with relative ease. Some nice openers from LOL, a nod to Ace vB from PDF with a particularly classy wrong bias second bowl and all remaining bowls at least going in the right direction with the correct bias.
The bell tolled signalling a turnaround for the worse on the fifth, when our opponents showed their name wasn't just a nod to some inconceivable technology and their skipper turned a 3 up lead in to 1 down with a well placed powerdrive. The sixth saw the Dogs struggle to find closeness with Kitty, and our confidence took at hit with a 3 down loss evening the scoreboard. The downward spiral to madness had begun, with several ends lost to 1 or 2, and the Hard Drives managing to reduce to single points or turn around any strong early Dog leads. A noteable recovery shot through by Davy Mac turning a possible 3 down to 1, and an unusual turn of events saw a drive from their skipper take Kitty in to the gutter prompting for rule discussion. Also special mention to the Hard Drives for the most requests for tape measurement encountered by this Dog to date.
The raffle failed to provide relief with nothing chalked up to the Dogs, but did provide much amusement as a young team took home approx half of the prize table & equally as much abuse! To this Dog, the real winner of the night was Coopers, once again proving their Best Extra Stout is a cut above the rest.
But these Dogs are not yet out for the count, and will no doubt be back next week with teeth bared!
Final Score - 12 / 6
Ends won - 6 a piece
MVP - LOL chalking up the most points
Wrong Bias Award - PDF showing how not to do it in style
Best Save Award- Davy Mac for that deep end turnaround
'Couldn't think of a suitable award' Award - Andy Zee!
Up against a serious mom/pop/daughter trio plus a semi pro ring in skipper, the ironically named 'Hard Drives' (senior had his PC out of action and was delighted to have someone to talk tech with) offered little challenge early in the evening. The Dogs, comprising of staples LOL and Andy Zee, plus Davy Mac and Prodigal Dog Finch put in a steady first trimester - scoring 1 point on the first 4 ends with relative ease. Some nice openers from LOL, a nod to Ace vB from PDF with a particularly classy wrong bias second bowl and all remaining bowls at least going in the right direction with the correct bias.
The bell tolled signalling a turnaround for the worse on the fifth, when our opponents showed their name wasn't just a nod to some inconceivable technology and their skipper turned a 3 up lead in to 1 down with a well placed powerdrive. The sixth saw the Dogs struggle to find closeness with Kitty, and our confidence took at hit with a 3 down loss evening the scoreboard. The downward spiral to madness had begun, with several ends lost to 1 or 2, and the Hard Drives managing to reduce to single points or turn around any strong early Dog leads. A noteable recovery shot through by Davy Mac turning a possible 3 down to 1, and an unusual turn of events saw a drive from their skipper take Kitty in to the gutter prompting for rule discussion. Also special mention to the Hard Drives for the most requests for tape measurement encountered by this Dog to date.
The raffle failed to provide relief with nothing chalked up to the Dogs, but did provide much amusement as a young team took home approx half of the prize table & equally as much abuse! To this Dog, the real winner of the night was Coopers, once again proving their Best Extra Stout is a cut above the rest.
But these Dogs are not yet out for the count, and will no doubt be back next week with teeth bared!
Final Score - 12 / 6
Ends won - 6 a piece
MVP - LOL chalking up the most points
Wrong Bias Award - PDF showing how not to do it in style
Best Save Award- Davy Mac for that deep end turnaround
'Couldn't think of a suitable award' Award - Andy Zee!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Dead Dog Drinks - 12/11/08
Coming off last weeks high, the dogs had a few injuries coming into the long awaited clash with respected rival 'ARRR'. Andy Zee the main member in doubt was only cleared in a late fitness test and missed the first end of the evening. Dead Dog Dandy, Skipper again for the 4th time this season, had found a home in the pivotal roll of last strike bowl and due to yet another lost toss, found himself bowling last on the first end. With the grasshoppers bowls going missing prior to the match, in a spiteful attempt to unsettle the Dogs Leader, DDD was left to try and find a suitable replacement, so without hesitation, DDD pulled out the 'Cocks'. Rooster in hand and 1 bowl remaining on the first end with 2 shot deficit staring him in the face, DDD saw a glowing image of his former mentor, Tickets Parkin, appear in a blue haze like Obi Won before him, his soft voice whispered to him....... 'go to the Degobah System, there you will meet Yoda'......Not sure if this apparition was ment to give him an insite into the strategy for his final bowl, or just a result off watching too many starwars movies while intoxicated, DDD stepped up and delivered the final bowl releasing a blow that would set the tone for the night ahead. The Purple coloured Cock caressed the kitty with subtle firmness and authority and turned 2 down to 1 up and positive start for the Dog. The second end spelt the beginning of the end for 'ARRR', and some high class bowling from the whole team lead to 5 for the end and a firm grip on the game. The game passed as easy as the summer evening it was, 2 and 4 for the next 2 ends and dog started singing Pants, Pants, Pants. Be it a different looking side from previous seasons, the Dog has proven to still be a force on the green and in the raffle, and last night was no different. With memories of beer, wine and International Roast in their minds, the Dead Dogs went about their business and with a few hiccoughs along the way, secured a 18 shot win and the respect of all foes. Mentions should go to LOL with some supurb early bowling making the rest of the dogs lives easier, and also Andy Zee, throwing down some useful scorers and cannon fodder when necessary.
Later that night, the official scorers announced that the Dog had climbed to the top of the Hawthorn Wednesday Night Bowls Ladder, with crushing victories against lesser foes, and a hush fell over the crowd as on a count back the Dogs took the first of the 2 most prized weekly awards, the 6 pack. (good work Dogs!) The second of the sought after awards came in the form of a 25% extra tin of the finest roast around, Andy Zee, holding his form from the green into the raffle, took out the highly prized International Roast, now with 25% more.
Off field news sees a grudge match developing for the Northern Dogs, who have picked a fight with a local syndicate. Sources quote Ace von Bertouch saying "If you were half the bowler I was, you would be 2 foot midget with merkin for a beard". This has angered some locals, but the Northern Dogs have picked up a few crucial signings and might just be able to follow through with the bravado of Ace vB and Tickets Parkin.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Dead Dog Dance - 5/11/08
The off field issues sorted for the Dog, their attention returned to the green and with it their full rotation of starting players. Lead Off Linda opening the batting with Davy Mac and Andy Zee filling the turn table middle order, it was left to Dead Dog Dandy to place a firm hand on the rear of the team and squeeze his bowls in when tight situations presented. Meatloaf on the airways, DDD could not help but be inspired while the fat sweaty love of his life, serenaded him into a mood for destruction. (well you were licking your lips as your lipstick shined, and I was dying just to ask for ACE!!)
The dead dogs sought to pick up where they let off the week before and with a picket fence of 1's on the scoreboard early they stretched their lead with every end. The full force of the dog was present and every member of the crowd felt their intentions early. With a few more ends adding to their total the dog sought to attack the jugular and finish off its prey quick and painlessly. LOL at her stirling best, placed no less than 4 bowls withing a parrots pecker of the kitty throughout the night and in the 6th this remarkable lead off, helped Davy Mac and Andy Zee put the helpless prey to the sword with 4 more making for the 6 end an a strangle hold on the match.
Not many words can describe the performance of their opposition, to be frank, it seamed they failed to even turn up for the evening, and the Dogs were left to frolic on the green, turning negatives of 1 or 2 into positive scores. As the night wore on another end of 6 was added to the total and with that a firm chance of securing the 6 pack for the first time this season. A few strategic changes by Davy mac altering his Skylark bowls for the favoured grasshoppers of DDD, unbeknown to himself, added intrigue to the evening, and possibly the most interesting was the end Davy Mac could not decide for either and went for 1 of each. So Skylarking with the Grasshoppers it was, but the professionalism and grace of DDD shone through as in the back 6 ends, not much could waiver his steady hand.
The evening wound down and with such an insurmountable lead, there remaind only 2 things to be decided, who won the coverted 6 pack and if the dogs could pants the opposition.
I would not put them on a Frog,
I would not put them on a log,
I would not, could not, on a train,
nor in a house or in the rain,
I would not, could not, Pants our foes,
I would not Pants them to their toes.
So as DDD sung his little tune, the dogs stepped up to the 11th end and with raffle prizes on the mind and a 6 pack waiting in the wings, the Dog faltered. Like a predator letting they prey have one final breath of life, like a prisoners last cigarette, like Ace von Bertouch giving just a hint of whats below his sarong, to a dying man.......and the chance was gone...... be it only by 1.
The last off the green, the Dogs were looked at with frustration by the club house, one brave soul vetured a comment 'take your time did you' which DDD replied, 'A masterpiece takes time, do you think Michaelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel quickly just for a chance at the International Roast?'
You would think 15 would be enough to secure the 6 pack, maybe even 20..... the Dog did not stop there and piled on an impressive margin of 24 (25-1) But the crulest twist of fate was yet to come for a night that will go down in the Dog Record books, 24 would not be enough and it was the Fud Puckers who with 28 took the pale ale.
Dogslow Votes
3 - LOL easily the best lead off batter of any side
2 - Andy Zee, had a nice litte patch in the middle to snuff out the oppositions hopes of a score
1 - DDD (only because Davy Mac bowled 2 with the wrong bias)
The dead dogs sought to pick up where they let off the week before and with a picket fence of 1's on the scoreboard early they stretched their lead with every end. The full force of the dog was present and every member of the crowd felt their intentions early. With a few more ends adding to their total the dog sought to attack the jugular and finish off its prey quick and painlessly. LOL at her stirling best, placed no less than 4 bowls withing a parrots pecker of the kitty throughout the night and in the 6th this remarkable lead off, helped Davy Mac and Andy Zee put the helpless prey to the sword with 4 more making for the 6 end an a strangle hold on the match.
Not many words can describe the performance of their opposition, to be frank, it seamed they failed to even turn up for the evening, and the Dogs were left to frolic on the green, turning negatives of 1 or 2 into positive scores. As the night wore on another end of 6 was added to the total and with that a firm chance of securing the 6 pack for the first time this season. A few strategic changes by Davy mac altering his Skylark bowls for the favoured grasshoppers of DDD, unbeknown to himself, added intrigue to the evening, and possibly the most interesting was the end Davy Mac could not decide for either and went for 1 of each. So Skylarking with the Grasshoppers it was, but the professionalism and grace of DDD shone through as in the back 6 ends, not much could waiver his steady hand.
The evening wound down and with such an insurmountable lead, there remaind only 2 things to be decided, who won the coverted 6 pack and if the dogs could pants the opposition.
I would not put them on a Frog,
I would not put them on a log,
I would not, could not, on a train,
nor in a house or in the rain,
I would not, could not, Pants our foes,
I would not Pants them to their toes.
So as DDD sung his little tune, the dogs stepped up to the 11th end and with raffle prizes on the mind and a 6 pack waiting in the wings, the Dog faltered. Like a predator letting they prey have one final breath of life, like a prisoners last cigarette, like Ace von Bertouch giving just a hint of whats below his sarong, to a dying man.......and the chance was gone...... be it only by 1.
The last off the green, the Dogs were looked at with frustration by the club house, one brave soul vetured a comment 'take your time did you' which DDD replied, 'A masterpiece takes time, do you think Michaelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel quickly just for a chance at the International Roast?'
You would think 15 would be enough to secure the 6 pack, maybe even 20..... the Dog did not stop there and piled on an impressive margin of 24 (25-1) But the crulest twist of fate was yet to come for a night that will go down in the Dog Record books, 24 would not be enough and it was the Fud Puckers who with 28 took the pale ale.
Dogslow Votes
3 - LOL easily the best lead off batter of any side
2 - Andy Zee, had a nice litte patch in the middle to snuff out the oppositions hopes of a score
1 - DDD (only because Davy Mac bowled 2 with the wrong bias)
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